Then you have a kid and you spend the rest of your life
If kids are creme pies, and kids grow up to be adults, then we are all creampies.
creampie goblin
I’m taking that username so nobody else can
Can’t get pregnant that way
You sure are there, squirt.
HAH
I’m lab grown
Ooh let’s come up with a nickname for your kind… you’re a test tube baby, so a tuber 🥔🍠 (potato emojis)
or
You! Tuber!
We are all cream pies on this blessed day
every year when everybody has birthday parties, everybody should serve creampies instead of birthday cakes. Because of the symbolism.
GOOD point
It’s an awkward scary part of our life. Fierce competition. Won by pure luck.
Not long after our first breath of air we start regretting our life choices.
Pretty sure Hitchhiker’s Guide has a quote about this
👌👌👌
Socially acceptable, How about this song from the classy 1920s:
"Oh I got nipples on my titties the size of my thumb
I got sumthin’ between my legs that’ll make a man cum"
I don’t remember the last rest of the lyrics but damn what a banger
The magnificent Lucille Bogan
And here’s another great one of hers
You left out the part of the lyrics where the man is dead.
Well, not anymore
Death by snu snu? Not a bad way to go.
sang by Nicky Minaj
or my girls pussy
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that is so true.
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I do when my employer questions my call out.
If my employer questioned my call out, my next call would be the union rep.
“Lolz, what union?” - My Boss
The thing preventing car bombs from vaporizing you and thine ilk.
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Yeah, consider yourself lucky in that regard, though when the Tories start thinking about rolling it back, you might want to be prepared to blow up Parliament.
Sorry for living in the US I guess? At my job I would get fired after 3 days without a doctor’s note.
Depends on your social circles I guess.
Name a social circle where you can use language like in the first example, and it’s acceptable.
Furry Discord servers
I’m learning a lot today
Cums with the territory.
🍍
Friends who are OK talking about and don’t shame you about sex. Also friends who have a sense of fucking humor.
this one
Well you got me there
I know several people in the kink community who would congratulate and be enthusiastically happy for someone who said the first, but would only politely say “congrats” to the second.
A BDSM munch comes to mind.
I’m ok with not knowing what that is. I’ll take your word for it.
A munch is a non-sexual social gathering of kinky people with food.
My friends and family say this kind of shit all the time, I’m sorry your life is without humor.
Big assumption there chief
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Half of my former social circle would have found the second version unacceptable
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I saw someone describe it as “anti-natalist” which i feel is way more apt. Don’t want kids? Child free. Hate people for having children/make up strawmen to grind an axe all the time about it? You’re anti-natalist.
Thank you for saying that. I loathe the child free people, and I don’t have kids. They’re all so stringent!
This has nothing to do with disliking kids. It’s just poking fun at how we euphemise things sometimes.
On another note, I really fucking hate kids lol. I’m so glad I’ll never have them. How much I loathe them is nowhere near how obnoxious people get about their kids. They make them their whole personality way more than I ever will make being child free mine.
This is an SNL skit about two gay men trying for a baby: https://youtu.be/v7PYpysL_dI?si=AfIRnvUkFoH2rINu
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Anti-natalism is the belief that it’s immoral to bring in new sentient beings into the world and isn’t inherently bad to be, I’m sure most of them don’t attack people who have kids constantly.
This.
People don’t have kids because they ponder the possibility of creating a new person. (They exist, but they’re the rare exception.) They have kids because they want the minime or the cute thing, and are not thinking about the angsty horny teen that toddler will become, or the struggling adult getting abused by The Man. (Unless the family is rich, in which case, how dare the brat have a personality, or is LGBT+ or wants to do theater rather than take over the business)
And then, my kid (by blood) and grandson (by marriage) are going to face a massive global population correction in their lives which will shape their entire lives the way Dresden affected Vonnegut. I love them both and am jolly sorry they are just going to have to deal.
I also get the drive to breed is compulsory. The baby machine has been honed across eons of evolution to overwhelm resistance. Those who can go childfree, I encourage to do so. But those who do have children, even in a society that disregards them, I get it, and figure we should spoil them as much as we can.
Ah I guess the terms have become somewhat conflated then. Either way, there are definitely large swaths of the child free crowd that are incredibly hostile to parents and children.
I think in both cases, a line gets crossed when people start hating the kids themselves. I’m not talking about having an aversion-- some of them genuinely hate kids. Even if I believed it were an atrocitious act to bring children into this world, even if I were to find children unpleasant(1), it’s not the kids’ fault.
(1) Oh hi! 👋 You saw my footnote! Just wanted to make clear I’m talking about a hypothetical person here. I personally like kids and don’t find them unpleasant. Just making sure you know that so we don’t start a pointless argument. Have a fantastic day!
Well said
Pretty sure this is what most people call a joke.
yes that’s what euphemisms are for
You can say anything you want to anyone, but there’s usually a better way to say it.
I just like that someone is getting laid every night and that is part of their best life. In fact, I assumed the hot messy creampie woman is managing her fertility as she sees fit.
Also jizz is totally a drug. Dopemine, I think.
And yet the doctor tells me I have to stop snorting jizz because it’s “bad for my lungs”. Like, ok narc smh
That raises some good questions about how to best absorb dopamine from jizz. I suspect anally is super-effective.
Inhalation of nebulized jizz probably less so, but worth a try.
I love when this post/thought pops up because it just outs people who have no idea how pregnancy works.
What about this is not how pregnancy works, exactly?
Mostly the “every night” part. There are only about 6 days a month when women can get pregnant iirc. And unless she’s getting a random train of dudes, there’s pretty significant diminishing returns on repeated loads (not that they hurt, mind you). It’s just kind of a childish comparison.
Well that’s complicated. A LOT of people who can get pregnant don’t have regular cycles, don’t have predictable ovulation, don’t know or have all the regular signs of ovulation, etc, that make tracking fertile periods tough. They are also people who bleed during ovulation, or have sporadic bleeding throughout their cycle, or bleed frequently from sex, all of which can confound predicting ovulation.
To compound that, sperm can live up to 5 days in the receivers reproductive tract extending a typical ovulation period to 11 days. https://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/sperm-and-semen-faq
I don’t see how that means they don’t know how pregnancy works. Yeah, you could track it, or you could just cover all possibilities.
If you are trying to be efficient about it and/or are having difficulties. For the majority of people, forgoing birth control and doing it every other day is more than enough to get pergnant.
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For real. Is the stork just chopped liver?
And no one mentions the clapping shells!
Or the incubation tanks!
What.
“people”, in this instance, are evidently you, which is ironically why we need more than half-assed sex ed
Responded above but mostly the “every night” bit. That’s not how cycles work. Not saying a woman can’t be getting constant creampies but that’s not exactly automatic when someone is trying for a baby.
What’s genuinely wrong with this for real though? I’m very confused. I have more than enough sex education.
I like how it outs all the humorless uptight busybodies personally
My wife got pregnant on our first try. Yes, I am that potent.
We live in a susiety.
And when they do get pregnant I’m the asshole for saying “congratulations on your successful ejaculation!”
I’ll take girl #1, Pat.
You say: We aren’t trying for a baby, but we’re not avoiding it either.
I hear: I’m off my birth control and we’re raw-dogging like 5 times a day.
