How about an adolescent kangaroo?
Blue whale.
You never said I had to win.
They also never said in which environment:
Stranded blue whale.
In the ocean. I punch it once, it swims away. “Yeah bitch, you better run!”
With all the blubber, would a whale even notice a punch, especially if the force was lessened due to water drag?
Notice it? Likely. Interpret it as a threat? Unlikely. Swat you like an annoying insect? Probably.
if it was a Right Whale then by all accounts, it’d take it as a come on.
they’re lovers not fighters.
Doesn’t “think you can take on” imply winning though? If not at least surviving with most limbs attached.
Sit in its blowhole until it suffocates?
Obviously I am not advocating for these beautiful majestic giant beasts to be killed but if it was a life or death thing… I’d be getting in that blowhole like a big old human tampon.
They can hold their breath for 30-90 minutes and can dive to 1000 feet. Good luck.
Their error was sitting in the blowhole. The trick is you have to go in head first so you can steal the oxygen from the whales lungs.
I’m so fucked. But I’ll wedge myself in deep, if I’m going down I’m taking it with me!
(reality would be it’d surface and blow me out like a floppy ragdoll)
Later the whale is telling his buddy about the worst booger he had to get rid of.
They have 2 20inch holes, so make sure to bring a buddy!
I can stick my arms or feet in it’s blowjole. when it comed up to breath, it means it’s already out of air. that’s when i strike. muahaha 🤪
It isn’t blowhole.
Get him on land and just keep punching for a few hours and you might just win!
T-Rex. I mean, all I gotta do is remove one pin and the whole skeleton collapses.
Your mom!
Ah ya bastard
Most beasts under 80 lbs. Over 80 lbs, it’s gonna be on a case by case basis. 90 lb sloth, no problem. 81 lb wolf, …problem.
The biggest animal I feel confident in is an 800 lb human. Huge, but that fucker’s gonna be exhausted ten seconds into the fight.
Just be careful he doesn’t roll onto you.
I tried to scream, but my mouth was full of flab.
Just run around them until they collapse.
Rule one: cardio
A blue whale. (they won’t fight back b/c they don’t consider me a threat, and so when they wander away I win by technicality)
I call foul play, there was no “taking on” just “swimming near”
Punch ones, they don’t react and swim away, you win by default
They brushed it slightly
A human
ew, i dont want to touch one of thoser with my bare hands though.
Good luck if it bites you. I heard they are real dirty.
Yeah, OP never said the animal had to be non-sapient.
If I had bear hands then probably a small bear.
A large opossum. I could probably handle something larger, but I can only handle one pet at a time and I like opossums.
Yes, I understand you’re asking about the largest animal I can fight and I’m telling you that that opossum is going to become a pet if I win.
opossum would be the perfect battle out in the forest… run up and swing at him a couple of times til he falls over… declare yourself champ and go party with your hoes… nobody goes back to check to see if the opossum got back up…
I once saw a chaparral (aka roadrunner) hold it’s own against a opossum, so I think you’ll be fine
Yeah, but I’d probably adopt whatever I fight as a pet, and I think having a pet opossum would be awesome, so that’s what I’d pick to fight.
A giant squid. It would have to be on land though (you never said we had to do it in their natural habitat).
I could totally take a 6-year-old human.
fuck off those things are animals
Galapagos tortoise. That’s the largest I can think of without teeth and claws, not fast, and not in water.
I mean, it’s got a shell, and turles/tortoises can still bite pretty bad without teeth, consider the snapping turtle.
A turtle is a good idea.
A shell is a great defense against a biting predator, but not great against a thinking / tool-using predator.
To be fair, since it was specified that one must fight the animal with one’s bare hands, tool use is probably cheating here
Bare hands doesn’t necessarily mean “only punches”. You can’t pick up a rock if there’s one on the ground? To me “with your bare hands” means going into the fight without preparation, with your hands empty originally. No guns, no swords, no rocket artillery. Like, you were out for a hike and a ________ attacked you.
A rock isnt your bare hands
Not to mention siege warfare as an option…
Yes, my favorite bare handed tactic is using a trebuchet
I’ll allow it, because trebuchets are great.
I’m just saying you could probably starve them out, but a trebuchet could be fun too. I won’t report you…
Avoid the front end, attack the back end.
Definitely something smaller than a grasshopper… Lost that fight a few days ago.
1 Lemmy
Sunfish.
They are enormous wastes of flesh and evolutionary effort.
Probably a fainting goat.
