• Netto Hikari@social.fossware.space
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    1 year ago

    As a dad, I think about this fact so much.

    I still feel just like a kid with no clue about everything, but I still have to do stuff, because I’m responsible for my own kids now.

    • RQG@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I feel the same way often. And the kids look up to me with the absolute confidence and trust that their dad knows what he’s doing and will know what to do when they have trouble. I know that’s how it should be so they can be children. But at the same time I know it’s just not true and I’m just winging it.

      • unerds@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        my kids have a pretty good grasp that i’m also just finding my way in the world, and that it’s okay.

        i feel like, anyone who comes across as though they have it all figured out are likely just unaware that the catalyst that brings it all crashing down is never really THAT far away.

        • BornVolcano@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Yeah, there’s a balance of “I’m not perfect, but I will always be here to look out for you” that has to be struck. Too far one way and the moment you break, the kids are gonna be scared and confused at what’s happening. And too far the other puts the responsibility on the child to take on a parent role (and believe me when I say that fucks you up)

      • constantokra@lemmy.one
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        1 year ago

        You need to be a little more generous to yourself, friend. Compared to a kid, you do know what you’re doing, and thankfully kid troubles are mostly not a big deal, so you probably will know what to do. From a certain point of view.

        • Dran@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Do you think there is value in teaching kids, from a young age, that their parents are not infallible? If not, why? If so, how would you teach that to a kid in a way they would understand and incorporate?

          • theneverfox@pawb.social
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            1 year ago

            My parents failed me a lot. My childhood sucked, and because of that I go through life numb.

            I couldn’t even start to heal until I realized my parents are people. Flawed people. The first time my mom came to me for reassurance, I understood the insecure woman that was doing her best and putting up a strong front.

            The time my dad opened up and almost apologized for what was so obviously the wrong thing, I saw a man who isn’t unwilling to acknowledge his failings, he’s fundamentally unable to recognize them.

            There are no adults, we’re all just children putting up a front. It makes you feel safe to think the people in control of us are competent… If you like how things are. Otherwise, it’s like living under a cruel god

            Understanding they’re people doing the best they can makes you feel a hell of a lot less alone when things aren’t good

            Believing your parents are infallible is good for one thing - equating belief in authority with safety. It doesn’t make them happier or better equipped to actually handle the world - it only makes them feel safe under very specific circumstances

            Don’t tell your children everything, but don’t lie to them. You’re responsible for teaching them how the world works - lie to them about your own competence, and they’ll be crippled in understanding until they see through your lies

          • BornVolcano@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            I think kids come to learn this on their own. But at the same time, normalizing being open about emotions is a good thing, to help promote an environment where saying “I’m okay, I’m just having a rough day today” is something that’s just normal.

            But there’s a sense of security to parents being infallible that can be dangerous to break. I lost that feeling with my mother when I was five, in a pretty major way to be fair, and for the next few years I had nightmares about everyone I loved dying and I wouldn’t be able to stop them. Kids are powerless to the world around them in a lot of ways, and rely on adults to protect them and teach them how to protect themselves. So by seeing your parents as able to get through anything, you have a sense of safety at home.

            So basically, normalize small challenges and openings to not be perfect, but be trying your best. Allow being human. But make sure the kid knows that no matter what, you will make sure both you and them are okay. Normalize the bumps in the road, and always reaching the end alright.

          • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
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            1 year ago

            Not the person above, but I think it’s very important to teach that parents aren’t infallible or all-knowing. Everyone makes mistakes, even the people we base ourselves off so much. Admitting mistakes and saying you’re sorry to your kid when you’re actually wrong can help build their humility

            Besides, kids tend to repeat and emulate their parents’ styles when they have their own kids

      • lime_red@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Was out with my daughter and her friend, and we found a wallet on the ground. The friend picked it up and immediately handed it to me, and now I’m ‘what am I meant to do with it?’. But only in my head, because I’m the grown up who just can deal with everything.

          • lime_red@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            It felt wrong to put it in my bag, so I held it out in front of me like a dirty nappy, and took it to the nearby shopping centre’s concierge.

            • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca
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              1 year ago

              Yep: you gotta hold it so that it’s clearly visible as not in your pocket and thus claimed by you.

              This, oddly, seems to be The Way.

    • BorgDrone@lemmy.one
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      1 year ago

      That’s why I think people shouldn’t have kids until they have at least a couple of hundred years of life experience.

      • MBM@lemmings.world
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        1 year ago

        People should have 10 years of experience with having a kid before they’re allowed to have a kid

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I realize that’s a joke, but we waited until our 30s to have a kid specifically so we could have life experience and more financial stability before taking on that responsibility. I think that’s the best way to do it. Being 46 with a 13-year-old is a lot easier than it would have been for me 13 years ago.

        • beigegull@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          The other side of that is worth considering too. Being 46 with a 23 year old would be great.

    • 70ms@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I’m a mom whose kids are all grown, and I still feel it to this day. 😂

      • BornVolcano@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Lmao I’m a grown kid who’s helping teach my dad a lot and it’s so funny to see the back and forth, to see him excited about his work softball team or messing something up. He’s one of those “always need to look fully in control” types so it’s refreshing to see him actually be human sometimes