It seems like all the onus is on to socialise in the meantime you are relentlessly judged for how you go about socialising or dating. I am on college right now and I am seriously struggling to make friendships. My anxiety is kinda on overdrive because of it. I am expected to know if I am welcome to come or not but if I am not supposed I am judged severely. Meanwhile there’s no one really coming up to me trying to help me. You know I’d like to just once be good enough for someone to come up to me and say that they just want to be around me. Enough of the guesswork. I am tired of it. I’m in my mid 20s just give me a fucking break at this point. So much of my “disability” would just go away if people had the decency to fucking educate themselves and expect me to know everything. I put myself out there and talk to people. I’ve done my fucking part.
You are damn right when you are frustrated, and you are damn right in expressing that.
I am sad and embarassed (right word?) about all the unempathic comments you are being met with.(*) I’d say ignore them if you can – literally put them on your ignore list if you wish, and take them perhaps as your involuntary helpers who demonstrate what you are usually met with (if this is the case). So that this has a purpose and doesn’t hurt you …
Like someone else commented, you probably do not want such people to be your “friends” – they would only be friends with that mask you present to them in order to appease. Your frustrated/lonely expression is a mask, too. But that one they don’t like and why you wear it doesn’t interest them.
Kick that idea that you are disabled (i know, i know, but try to push it away) and it will help you to relax (that’s important). The more we train a specific thought pattern, the more that will become our only reality.
Being on your own, or being in the position of the quiet observer for the time being could actually be a good thing to have, as it will give you inner and outer room to move (away from the rigid/unrelaxed idea which makes it seem a burden). Look for such people whose presence you would enjoy. That is, such people whith whom you would resonate, naturally. Those might be the ones who are able to observe beyond the mask and those who play alone. They might not be the most relaxed ones, initially.
The good fruit are rare and you are young. I hope this resonates or is at least a lottle comforting. From someone who had many developments happen ten years late.
[leaving that typo as-is because i like that word … a lottle]
(*) I just held myself back from answering each of those comments with “this hurts” … but it would have me spam the comment tree. Leaving it up to you.