I’m a 37 year old IT Cloud Engineer, I have a great job, great house, love my family, but recently I lost my dad to cancer after a 16 year battle. My brother likes to say cancer had to cheat to win, it was all because he broke his back and had to be taken off his treatments for to long. Cancer is a fickle bitch…

Prior to losing my dad, I lost my best friend, who apparently dropped dead in his backyard. I don’t know the specifics and frankly I don’t want to know. Either way, these events effected me, and I started having massive panic attacks and anxiety issues, constantly afraid for my health even though there’s nothing wrong with me. It took a few months of therapy to realize I needed medical help.

I was put on antidepressants and everything changed, I was a human again for the first time in like a decade. I was happy, I was successful, but now, idk if I’m just having a midlife crisis, or if maybe I’m just feeling depressed again, but I just feel lost. I’ve lost one of the few people in my life I’ve modeled my success after, my father, I lost the other person I could hang out with and empathize with, I have my wife and I love her to death, but my friend had been that person that was just there to hang out and make you feel better, and now they’re gone. I’m still struggling to cope and it’s just really hard and I need a place to vent.

Anyone have any ideas on how to cope and move on as well as control the anxiety without the need to be medicated?

TL;DR: Lost my dad and my best friend in the course of two years and it’s been rough. Now I feel lost and confused constantly. Cloudy brain and I just don’t want to be complacent in life and need some advice. Thanks for reading.

Edit: just wanted to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I’m going to take the advice I’ve been given here to heart and try some new things to try and give me some direction. Thank you all again so much for the help, it really made me feel a lot better.

  • superkret@feddit.de
    241·
    1 year ago

    You’re going through 2 periods of grief at the same time, and you’ve also lost an important part of your support network, as well as the guiding beacon in your life.
    This is an extremely difficult period in your life, and it won’t get better fast. It will take time, possibly lots of time. But it WILL get better.
    It’s important to realize this, and to communicate openly with people you can trust.
    Talk to your wife about your feelings. Open up to your family. Talk to your boss or co-workers if that is possible at your workplace. Let others know the reason why you might be acting differently at this time.

    My practical advice to you would be to actively, consciously try and rebuild your support network. Set a goal to meet new people or reconnect with friends you haven’t met in a while, whenever you have the strength to do so.
    Inform yourself about self-help groups in your area. Talking to others who are going through the same thing is immensely helpful. And you might even find a new buddy to hang out with.
    And also be careful you don’t make rash decisions about your job or your marriage. You’re in a vulnerable state right now, and might feel the urge to make a big change in your life. Maybe a new adventure or a time-out is what you need right now, but don’t force any permanent changes right now (like quitting your job to become a goat herder) while you aren’t able to think clearly.

    And if you feel like all hope is lost and there’s no point in going on, IMMEDIATELY call someone you can trust, or find professional help.