It took ~5 minutes and there was ZERO pain.
I even anticipated this. There was no reason to think it would be hard in any kind of way.
Why am I like this?? Why is my brain such mush when it comes to my executive functioning while several other parts of my mental being are more than fine or even slightly supercharged (when I’m not depressed or out of mania)
The kicker? The appointment isn’t for a doctor or a dentist or something else that would be “normal” to dread.
It’s an appointment to pick up a brand new company car. A 2023 Mercedes EQA to the tune of 50K€. Most people would JUMP at that kind of opportunity, but not me. No, I sit there contemplating whether I even deserve a car that costs twice my annual salary, and that I’m just deluding myself into thinking I’m a valued part of society, that someone will realize they made a mistake and such a car was never meant for me (or “anyone like me”).
This after a double dose of 15mg ritalin, by the way. Without it I would never have been able to push myself over that limit to begin with.
Fuckin’ a…
This is my issue right now. I got laid off from work and my options are to either get a new job or start my own business that I’ve been thinking about for years as I hate working for someone else. I just don’t have much faith in myself that I’ll actually manage to run the business and do all the things that needs to be done when they need to be done as there is no one telling me to do it. I have no trouble getting up in the morning when I know I have to do something but I dread what it’s going to be when the have to turns into should