I’m looking for a little advice because I’m feeling pretty lost. Without going too far into it, my manager at work is using things that she knows are part of my disability, autism, to give others a negative impression of my work performance and conduct, and causing me to be disciplined. I believe she’s trying to have me fired or get me to quit. She’s also been giving me an excessive workload, being rude, not giving me feedback or information, and outright lying about me. I’ve been with the company for almost a decade, she’s been with it for less than two years, and I’ve never had any issues like this. I’d always disclosed my disability, which is how she knew about it, but never requested accommodations because no one gave me problems. My director and VP seem to be on her side and working with her to get rid of me.
After dealing with this for a few weeks and turning into a nervous, stressed out mess, I replied to an email she sent and outlined exactly how things she was saying was discrimination and a legal liability for the company. I asked to be reassigned to a different manager. I sent it to a bunch of higher ups on Friday evening, including the head of HR. I’ve also been going through the formal accommodation process and my doctor got them the paperwork on Thursday.
I’m now terrified to go into work on Monday. I’m scared I’m going to be dragged into a meeting room and intimidated into recanting my statements or told that what I’ve experienced isn’t really discrimination. I’m worried they’re going to say no to any accommodations, no matter how narrowly I’ve constructed them. I’m afraid they all hate me and want me gone or they’re going to fire me. I don’t want to go in at all.
I was wondering if anyone else has gone through anything like this and can give me advice for what to do beyond just documenting everything as I’ve already been doing. Has anyone dealt with this and come out on top? Had similar experiences? How do I not feel so afraid?
I’ve had only one workplace experience that I would consider extreme. I was directly threatened (unsolicited physical harm) by another co-worker. I immediately brought it to the attention of the manager and their response was: “I don’t have time for this shit!”.
I walked out, got in my car and drove home. Then I wrote a very detailed letter (email) to the corporate headquarters explaining what had transpired. The next morning I went back to work, with several printed copies of that email, to hand deliver to the managers.
While waiting in my car for the building to open, one of the managers came to speak to me. They expressed to me that they knew what had happened the previous day and headquarters weren’t going to do anything about it. I gave that manager the printed copies, drove home and never looked back.
I had enough self-respect and dignity to just move on and leave all those assholes behind.
You might be able to ask on the Workplace stack exchange for some more help. I’d say to make sure you back up all your email on the subject, in case you do end up in court, but otherwise I don’t have any advice. I hope it resolves easily!
First. Breathe. Do some mindful meditation if you’d like.
Second. Do NOT quit!
Third. Know that you can call in sick on Monday if you need to.
Fourth. Find a lawyer that specializes in employment law and Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) issues. You can do this by contacting a lawyer that is busy and specializes in something else (like real estate, or whatever) and asking if they know someone that can help. Most lawyers won’t charge for an initial consultation, so use that first call/meeting to it’s fullest.
Fifth. Go into the office and find out what their response to the email(s) is. There’s no point in guessing and avoiding finding out. Record conversations (find out about consent for recording in your state). Write notes.
I want to record but I’m in a two party state and I’m afraid that they’re either going to refuse or fire me for trying to record the conversation.
You can use the corporate approach and tell them that you are recording the conversation and show them that pressed record on your device. Let them choose if they want to continue the conversation without verbally expressing that option to them. If they make it a point to ask you to stop the recording, you can choose to stop and simply take notes.
Sounds like you’ve got your bases covered. The only thing I might add is getting legal advice from someone who specializes in ADA/Title II. Unfortunately, there isn’t really an effective escape from workplace bullying other than to GTFO if HR is unhelpful.
Are you in a union with your coworkers?
If so, if you get called into any (non-open-to-everyone) meetings the coming weeks/months, make sure your union rep is right there with you.
If not, you should unionize
No, it’s not a union job. Corporate.
That’s unfortunate. I’m not sure what the situation is at your location, but here in Norway literally every type of work from cleaning shores, through industry and even CEOs, have their respective union. So there might be a relevant union for your workplace, still. Safety for the employees lies in numbers.
In the short term though, I’d recommend reaching out to a local/regional union-of-interest, like a “disabilities-in-the-workplace” watchdog organization.
Your boss&CO sound willing to infantilize you, if it becomes a case, so solid evidence of their conduct is important. though let’s hope your emails solved it, and makes them realize their wrongs.
Keep recordings of all work meetings the coming year
- keep your phone in your pocket, make sure your phone mic is pointed in the right direction, and test sound quality beforehand. Garble is not useful for anything.
- if possible, you should have a ‘panic’ button sequence on your phone, to hide/stop recording.
- do not admit you have faults not caused by your condition, on tape!
- You have the right to know who will be part of a meeting, and what the meeting is about, beforehand. They can still spring a meeting on you, if they don’t care.
Unionize, then.
I fight em’
Maybe not the best course of action and certainly not politically astute but the laws on my side so fuck the bigoted pricks.
I confronted the owner of my company a few months ago about the toxic workplace and abusive behaviors he was inculcating in his company. Pointed out that xyz by abc employees can be and have been reasonably inferred to be comments, actions and disrespect due my autism. Informed him that his own statements and behaviors are putting his company in serious legal liability. There’s this law and regulation, I have contemporaneous notes and witnesses etc etc.
Make sure that you have a claim of workplace harassment or abuse due to your autism. Then lean into it. Be prepared to involve HR and legal resources. Make sure you constantly seek feedback and confirmation that you are taking the right steps. Be vocal that perhaps you are misinterpreting this persons behavior but due to your disability you would like the accommodation that it stop and it is causing xyz distress.
A big caveat to this is that I work in a small lumber mill. No union, no hr. I direct report to the owner because his org chart is fucked. Safety is a word they use but not one they understand. Especially for mental health safety. It worked because I made it clear that it would be very expensive if they didn’t stop fucking around.
I had to play things differently when I worked for Apple as they have incredibly detailed processes for dealing with this sort of dispute and specific forms of language and approach to use. I still took the opportunity for a fight when I could find my footing. Want to write me up for feeding homeless people? Off hours and out of branded clothing? Ok, let’s do this then.
When your disability is your opponents weapon of choice they have given you the shield of the law. Embrace their mistake.
It sounds like you’ve taken the right steps to document and follow your companies procedures and you should continue doing so. Playing the game is part of the fight.
Stand firm that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and so is abuse. Theres likely something in your handbook calling out ‘unwanted’ or ‘reasonably construed’. Find this and seek clarification. One of the aspects of autism that has been very difficult to navigate for myself is that behaviors most people find normal or caring I find awful, abrasive and can be abusive. There’s a give and take in the world but in the end they knowingly hired an autistic person and are legally obligated to adjust their behaviors to meet you in a consensual middle. Perhaps this person needs to moderate their behavior and you need to moderate your interpretations of their behavior but to do so you need clarity.
For the emotional end of things, don’t want to go in, what if they fire me, what if they hate me, I’m scared to be hurt…it’s all “what if I’m wrong again?” for me. But thats kind of just everyday right? It’s acute and direct and noticeable right now. It’s heightened in these situations. But is it new? Is it actually different or just a higher degree? Am I not nervous in my day to day or am I just more nervous now? I’m pretty sure people hate me most days so the honesty can be refreshing(sadlol).
But most importantly it doesn’t sound like you’re wrong again. Workplaces have clear rules and regulations for a reason. Find your ground. Cite your arguments. Prepare to be fired. You’ll figure it out and fight the next manager, just like the last time. You’ll keep fighting to make a space for people like us. Because that’s our existence in this world.
Neurotypicals are bound by choice paralysis in life. What do the neurodivergent do in life? We have no choice but to fight. Our course is set and conviction can be found. Freedom not of choice but of action. We fight as we see fit and as we can, from each and to each, but we fight. For a new day and a new world and a seat in Valhalla. No justice, no peace.
Thissus offeroede(that was overcome)
Thissus swæ mæg(so may this be)
I know I said “unionize” in another comment, but I’ve realized that might not be immediately helpful, so some other advice: if you’re in a place where it’s legal to record with one party’s consent, secretly record the whole thing. If not, I still advise recording, but you’ll have to say you’re recording and get everyone’s consent. Ask for everything in writing whether or not they allow that. Expect to be fired. Expect to need a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Expect that the lawsuit will take time and you won’t get much of anything but you might be lucky enough to hurt them in the process. Resign yourself to the fact that without unionization or governmental change, we’re absolutely and totally fucked if we’re disabled, neurodivergent, or even just different. Then do whatever you have to in order to survive knowing that.
