In early May my gf of 4 years broke up with me and at the end of May she moved back to her home country. Since then I’ve been Doing my best to move on like seeing counselors/therapist and taking plenty of time for myself and so far most days I’m doing alright but with her gone I have a constant dread of loneliness and helplessness as right now I just don’t really have any future. no goals or major wants and I’m not really sure where to go from here.
I live in a very small and technically isolated town where the only things to really do is either walk around town or go to one of the many bars. I don’t drink and can’t even hear in bars so that’s a no go. There’s a few sport things that are mainly for the kids and we’ll… I’m not into sports of any sort. So my options for meeting anyone are pretty limited. As in I can either loiter at a Tim Hortons or I can spend time at the gym in town which both don’t really hold much value for meeting people.
Originally, with my now ex, we had planned to move to a city where we could actually do things and have opportunities. We had been working towards it for a while and now that’s completely dead in the water…
I don’t really have any friends in this place and idk what else to do to meet new people since there really isn’t any opportunities to do so. It’s also not the easiest place to get out of because everything is marked up so far above msrp that it’s a struggle to even barely survive with a well paying job. I know it’s bad everywhere right now but it’s especially bad here as prices are still double if not quadrupled compared to everywhere else.
So right now I have no idea what to do. I’m surviving one day at a time with my dog. I want to meet new people and get the fuck out of this town but everything has been such a dead end here that so far my one chance of hope has left me.
I want to know what others might suggest. I have Adhd and struggle with large gatherings and hearing people but I still try my best and I want to at least make a couple new friends. I just don’t know how right now.
Sports are great for two things:
I have a lot more I would like to add but I have to get to work.
As for goals: try making tiny goals that stretch your competence just a little.
Like one category is things that seem so small they shouldn’t take effort, so if they do take effort it’s tempting to quit. And another category is things that are so big they seem impossible.
The trick is to rework that first category. When something seems like it should be effortless, but ends up requiring more work than that, that’s a great candidate for a stepping stone goal.
It’s so hard to accept that small goals are worthwhile goals. Like, for a normal person walking to the kitchen is no big deal. But for someone recovering from a broken leg, it’s a significant goal.
Does your gym have any sports leagues? Does joining a league sport seem like too much? If so, maybe the only goal you need is: obtain a list of places in town where you might find sports happening.
The list is the goal. You don’t need to pick a sport. You don’t need to join a sport. Just list them.
That’s what “baby steps” means. Have you seen how small a baby’s steps are?