How do you get other people to speak with you? Usually I never know what to say in response.

Being a chatterbox hasn’t worked out too well throughout my life. Even in my second language, German, it’s evident im sort of a “parrot” when it comes to learned social phrases.

Socially exhausted right now and feeling like an alien.

  • Soup@lemmy.world
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    3 hours ago

    Preface: I agree with you but want to add a counter to explain why people might be uncomfortable following your advice.

    We should admit that there are people who have decided that there are “wrong” answers and that those people have soured the experience enough that there’s a whole branching group of people afraid enough of them to instictually perpetuate the same nonsense. It’s not about “I don’t know what I should say” but about “I don’t know what I’m allowed to say that will avoid some form of behind-the-back punishment.”

    There are also some people I know who where a mask thicker than their own skin and I know for a fact that they do it because of trauma. They refuse to hold strong opinions and when they do you have to be incredibly delicate with them because sharing an opinion means something entirely different to them. If you share an opinion then to them you wouldn’t unless you were really mad or really had no respect for the alternatives. My ex-girlfriend literally couldn’t handle me saying “no yea…” because the “no” was negative and it was her, by her own admission, traumatized parents who made her that way. I’ve still tried to soften myself since but oh my god.

    I’m polite, your typical conservative would probably call me woke, and people call me up when they’re feeling sad because they trust me. When I say “opinion” I don’t mean insane crap like trying to say that homophobia or sexism is “just my opinion, bro” but like literally even just giving polite, requested feedback after a course or something. I swear giving a 4/5 review is the end of the world to these people because any negativity is percieved as a death sentence(and it kinda is, thanks capitalism). “I really liked most of X but think this part could be streamlined” is translated by them to “I hate you deeply and am just trying to soften the blow to appear proper”.

    • essell@lemmy.world
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      3 hours ago

      Totally agree. There’s a lot in this seemingly simple topic.

      Its often hard to unpick the differences that come from neurodiversity compared to the impact of living in a world that is often hard and even cruel to people who are seen as different.

      Consequences of that is things that sound easy or simple rarely are.

      • Soup@lemmy.world
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        3 hours ago

        Yup yup yup. The people who’ve literally been shocked that I’m not judging them break my fucking heart.