Cishet male. In no way do I mean offense or have I tried to take advantage of lower functioning individuals, that’s just sick. Best I can figure, I’m a typical. Maybe I’m a little crazy; but who isn’t.
During a discussion about my son’s neurodivergency, I realized I have a ‘type’ of woman. (Son is technically stepson, but he’s my boy.) I tend to be attracted to high functioning women that are on the spectrum.
I’ve been in four relationships with divergent women, three serious and two extended friends with benefits. I’ve been in two serious relationships with typical women. Many flings with typical women. Figure that’s pretty statistically unlikely.
In my experience, divergent women tend to have a refreshing openness in communication. Painfully honest. Direct. They have some weird stuff that can be alternately cute and irritating. When sleeping they either don’t like to snuggle or like being an octopus. (My preference is octopus but my wife only tolerates some side contact.) They like to discuss instead of argue. Sexually adventurous and willing to work for satisfaction. They prefer precision in statements. I find myself writing in an extended way that I don’t engage in with other people and try and pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Pretty sure this doesn’t apply to all women on the spectrum, just my ‘type’.
I dunno, just a strange realization, especially at this stage of life. It’s not a fetish, just something that has occurred.
It’s the 'tism rizz
Me too. I’m probably NT or close to it. Connect really well with NDs in all kinds of relationships because I’m weird in my own ways. NDs have less expectations of “normal” in my experience, and are better at communicating what they do expect instead of playing games
“NDs have less expectations of “normal” in my experience, and are better at communicating what they do expect instead of playing games”
Yes. I hate relational game playing. Very averse to it and is probably the primary cause of anger and strife that I’ve had in relationships.
I also like the acceptance.
I’ve never sought any diagnoses, but almost all my friends and romantic partners are some flavour of ND, so I have to assume I’m not as perfectly NT as I thought. Similar experience as you. It’s not a deliberate preference for me, it’s just how my life has worked.
How to find autistic girls, pls. I keep running into the normies.
I thought about a dating app/site for NDs, but figured it would be too susceptible to abuse by manipulators.
I recommend a fishing rod with an incorrect fact or figure on the end.
In reality, no clue. I’m looking back on a pattern, it isn’t something I sought.
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Birds of a feather, flock together - just saying’! Esp cause I snuck a pickie-wickie at your bits. a) Sorry you’re in chronic pain. That fucking sucks. I too am in chronic pain. It fucking sucks. Some days are “better” than others but no days are like they used to be. You just pray for the goodun’s b) You might just also have a type (and it sounds like you do) and you probably could find this type in any kind of person you just so happen to keep finding it in neurodivergent individuals. So I think it might be a bias.
But it sounds like you might have something going on, especially because you type like me. And I am a fucking AuDHD queen. So you know, have a think on it.
Life is pain. I can do anything I used to do, although sometimes I can only do it once. Better than being dead.
I’m of above average intelligence, largely self educated. Very redneck/country so it affects the way I write and speak. My writing and speech are very different from each other. I have people be shocked when speaking to me for the first time after corresponding, especially in business settings. Non-southern people often have trouble understanding me unless I slow down and enunciate more. I also speak in colloquialisms a lot. It was the way I learned to speak growing up. I frequently mispronounce words because I’ve only ever read them.
I might have a touch of the ADHD, but tend to be the life of the party, comfortable in a lot of casual social situations. I’m comfortable meeting new people and getting them friendly quickly. I’m good at finding common ground and getting others to talk about their interests. Non of these behaviors seem to be particularly on the spectrum.
Like I said, I’m probably a little crazy, had a crazy life. However, I’m not on the spectrum as far as I can tell. My experiences with spectrum women could totally be coincidence but I don’t think it’s statistically likely.
I was just more so saying that you might be neurodivergent as a whole - because it’s been proven (in some recent study I believe I saw on here posted by the Eraserhead person) that neurodivergent individuals have their own set of social cues which they understand better than neurotypical people. So if you were ADHD, and your partner is autistic - than you probably understand one another better than a neurodivergent x neurotypical couple. Especially if it keeps going. And yes, I am the same way, but I am pretty tired now as compared to how I was relatively pain free =P! I like folks, they’re one of my hyper-focuses so it’s all yummy-gummy stuff to me. Also I am “typically” from the south, but I don’t really think so. I am way more nor-eastern and even the folks I grew up with just spoke blackish noreast-y accents. But with a southern touch. But yeah, I hear you on enuciation, because mine is shit. What does the dog say? “Woof.” What is the wild dog animal? “Woof.” Eh, I’ve got a certain something because the elders of my generation said stuff like warsh and dubya. But I also say “aarange” so ehhhhhhhhh.
Either way, a year ago you sounded like your pain was killing you emotionally and physically which was why I was sending my condolences. But in general, I think it’s really good to be realistic about your pain and work within the parameters you can. Especially if you’ve got kids. I’m glad you’re staying afloat =)
Crayon and crown are the same word for me. Kiddie and kitty as well. Crawdad is the correct term for those little lobster things, paper bag is a poke. An RC Cola is the appropriate pairing with a moon pie. All fizzy drinks in a can are a coke. 😁
As for neurodivergency/ADHD - maybe? It’s not really a handicap so I don’t really care to pursue it. My wife is totally ADHD, diagnosed. She is occasionally medicated for it.
I still have pain. Pain everyday. However, I’m lot less sedentary now. My girl and I have bought a play farm and my activity level has massively increased. I quit drinking, other than a recent fall off the wagon, back straight again. Drugs and painkillers don’t fix shit, an occasional muscle relaxer is good when I spring my hernia bad.
I’m not pretty so I get by on tough and smart.
I still hurt, but if I’m moving and doing, it’s a different kind of hurt. More liveable, if that makes sense. If I can stay doing and working with my hands I function better. I have learned that I can’t fly a desk for a living. Need to work hard enough to not worry about the pain. I work hard enough, and I’m exhausted enough to sleep deeply.
I can outwork my fourteen year old son, and he’s tough and strong. I’ve also developed old man strength. Proud of that.
Going to build my own small machine shop so I can keep working with my hands. I take frequent breaks. Hope to get back to wood carving again soon. Long winters in my new home and have the perfect spot for my wood lathe and carving setup.
This activity likely accelerates the need for another surgery for my abdominal hernia and a re-site of my ostomy. So be it.
My best healthy answer to my pain is to work harder.
I’m sorry you hurt. I understand hurting all the time. It fucken sucks. Maybe you can find things that help or a way to live that minimizes it. Feel free to message me anytime and bitch up a storm about the pain. I truly understand and will lend you my ear, advice only if you want it. Otherwise, unload it to me if you just want me to listen and understand.
Crayon and crown are the same word for me. Hahaha! Didn’t realize that either. But it’s a little bit different because you know how you can pick up on the subtleties of your own accent. CraA(y)nnh/Craawwn. Let’s try kitty…Kiddhee/Kidhee - yeah same there. Didn’t realize - makes me laugh my ass off. The differences are only obvious when I talk slower but in general sound exactly the same. I know me some crawdads, but I also know me some crabs and lobsters and what have you. RC Cola was my grandma’s drink of choice. She left this fine Earth a hundred years ago, but it still smarts to this day. But hot damn, when I see it I think of it fondly. Mind you, I haven’t seen it in a hundred years either and just about the last non-Coke soda I’ve seen was Shasta and that was working in a home . So majority was ruling even as I made my way cross-country.
Trust ADHD is an actual disability, it’s just that it was seen not as such for a long time. It’s what they call “an invisible disability” just like autism, if you’re on a certain side of the spectrum. I feel like a Buddhist monk medicated, but there’s still obviously stuff that is crunchy about my life. Unmedicated ADHD individuals can be a powder-keg just waiting to go off. I strongly believe a good quadrant of addicts are just unmedicated ADHD individuals. A good quadrant of unemployed individuals as well.
Pain every day, that’s a familiar mo. I workout on the regular, but had to swap from hi to li workouts so I don’t end up in crippled death pain. . Right before stuff got really bad, I worked on a farm. It’s fun stuff, and I think a good fit for the right personality. I personally love the urban vibe, but it’s because there’s endless scores of novelty, which is what my brain demands. You can walk anywhere, and talk to new people every second of the day if you’ve got the gumption to. Drinking is a beast, and I’ve seen it take down too many with it’s alluring numbing qualities. I don’t know too much about UC other than they will keep cutting segments outta your guts and that a cucumber can act like cement in there. I’ve met a total of three people (you included by this point) with it and the other two had to eat like fucking baby birds and keep everything low-fiber. I can’t imagine alcohol is that great as it’s a super-antagonist of most bodily functions and I’m glad you’re holding it down. I know it’s not everyone’s bag but I advocate for flatline sobriety when handling addictions but especially in this department. But humans gunna hu =P! I’m glad you’re back on the wagon. Painkillers don’t fix shit, you absolutely do fight pain with working out. It keeps you strong and lowers inflammation.
Hahahahaha! You know, I feel this. I’ll say things differ a bit between the lines, but being beautiful on either side will give you a leg up in this world.
I’m laughing here cause it still sounds like ADHD my guy! Hahaha! But foreals, on a bad day I can’t utilize my body for shit. My hands become Mickey-Mouse mitts and no keyboard or hoe is having my ass =P! So in that sense I hear you here but when my body flairs up no mind over matter is having me. I will say that I’ve been in front of a computer about 500xs more than I ever was and in that sense it makes me want to die! Not actually die, but it does feel like a death of being. And really I would advocate 10x10x10 that people get from behind a piece of technology for at least a small portion of their day. But we live in such a world, that it’s almost impossible nowadays. You’re living a rare one sir.
The other thing that’s funny that people might not know about with farms, at least in my experience - is that there’s always something to do and some sorta fire to put out. I will say that I am glad you’ve found your rhythm regardless. Hey, I only was hurt cause I understand how much it fucking sucks to be dealing with something that hurts you so badly you’ve got nothing but pain. It sucks to be desperate in pain with no real way out. Is all. I’m doing okay right now. They got me on some new treatment that’s experimental and even though I’m a guinea pig I am doing alright. Better than I was for sure. Hahahaha! Thanks for the love! I straight had a shit day and posted on Chronic Pain here cause I think we can uplift one another in our understanding of the situation. You sound like a good’un either way =)! Keep whooping that 15 year old at his own game, and take it easy some time “old man!” Hahahahaha! Big love!
Hell yeah. Yesterday, last night, pulled a 20 hour marathon cleaning out the old house and loading the truck with the last load.
Bought a '98 box truck as it was a lot cheaper than renting a Uhaul 5 times. We’ve had three or four breakdowns. I assumed we would be breaking down so I carry a bunch of tooling so I can fix it on the road.
Currently broke down in Kentucky again with a hole in the exhaust. Had to cut the cat out because it got clogged. My bean can and exhaust tape solution has mostly been working. I’ve got a bad gap that keeps blowing out. Super 8 is going to love it when I crank a generator in the parking lot and fab a patch out of a baking pan tomorrow. Ball peen hammer, sawzall, Dremel and dikes.
My arc welder is in Pennsylvania or this already would have been fixed.
Anyhow, I’m sore as hell, the good kind of exhausted and about to get some deep sleep.
I don’t really plan on working out. I plan on just plain working all the time. Seems to work better for me. Cultivate that farmer muscle. Those guys live forever, but if they ever stop working, they die.
My UC is cured cause they took my whole colon out. No small intestine involvement. My immune system still hates me, I get inflammation, allergies, had iritis a few times. I drink Reishi tea and it seems to help. Can’t take steroids anymore, get adrenal crash and it takes me months to taper off. Had way too many steroids over the years.
The new place has a much lower pollen and allergen load and a real winter, I’m hoping it does a lot for my health.
I assume I’m going to get arthritis pretty bad eventually, guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
What makes you hurt so bad?
You in PA now? From KY -> PA? I will say 10/10 PA is the most southern northern state =P! I lived in W PA for a couple of years back in the day. It’s for sure why I hate the living shit out of The Amish now a days. Cause they saw my girlfriend and I (both mixed) as some sort of real life demons and actually ran from us. Like, RAN, ran! Freakin’ assholes, the whole lot. They got puppy mills too, they’re total scumshits. Yeah, whenever my gal and I move it’s a car move. Solo? A bag move. Keeping it as cheap and as simple as possible is my motto. Sounds like you got a lemon, but to be honest all used cars right now are lemons. Because the prices are higher than suck-shit and everyone is driving their cars until their breaking point. But older vehicles are way easier to fix, and if you’ve got the know how and the skills you can for sure make due.
Ah, so they really took the whole damn thing. Well if you’re set, you’re set hahahaha! Like I said I’ve only even known two folks in my life before you with it but while they got bits cut out they never took the whole thing. I don’t know too much about steroids other than they can be a miracle worker when needed. I’m glad you figured out what you need to keep things together though. By the by, there’s ALWAayyyssss some fire you’ve gotta put out on a farm. You’ll be fine with finding what thing you’ve gotta fix next =P! I guess if you’re in PA it’d have less pollen that the deep south for sure. But shit is still pretty high in my book. But I don’t really know anywhere I’ve ever lived outside of HI that wasn’t testing me when it came to pollen. Arthritis is a fuck face, and it can go fuck itself. But cultivating muscle is always a great lubricant for aging as a whole.
I’ve got a tag-team hitting me up, but I am gunna keep them private here just on account of it being a federated space I suppose (I’m not sure how many loudmouthed, mixed blah - blah blah live in x and blah blah blah). It’s kinda weird because I always had my pain moments I guess I’ll call them. Weird stuff, like my hearing going out, outta nowhere and what not. But I always pushed through all the weirdness because I just figured being human is pain and I was/am(?) such a firecracker my vigor kept me going. But man, I hit a wall. I mean the whole fucking wall. And my body has never been the same since. And it’s affected the will. And until I just accepted things for what they were and just let go of trying to get back to a space that I will probably never exist in again I was being driven crazy by the frustration of it all. But I will say that if I could wave a magic wand, I think my life would have been way different. And to be honest, while I am still living - I wasn’t ready for the adventure part to end. It might reignite in the future, but I don’t think it’ll ever be like it was.
I’m an autistic guy, but I feel I would be your type. Good to know that NTs /want/ that.
I’m an autistic guy, but I feel I would be your type. Good to know that NTs want that.
It’s not even really a matter of want. It’s more complimentary strengths and weaknesses. The combination is more than the sum of the parts. The right partner makes you a better person.
I lived in a town full of engineers. I’ve seen so many autistic men married to typical women it’s a total stereotype. Figure typical women are more accepting than typical men due to US culture. I’ve seen quite a few gay pairings like that as well. Mostly seem to be pretty happy relationships.
*Edit, grammar fix
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Lawd no. My kind of girl is functional and keeps her crazy in check.
For instance, my wife handles the money. She’s better with those kinds of numbers and it makes her feel secure. She likes doing the taxes: which is the good kind of crazy. Does a better job than me on that. I stay out of it. Ask her before large purchases are made.
She expects me to lead on broad strategic decisions after discussion, she fills in details, I execute details. I do most of the physical things, deal with the people stuff and phone calls. She likes the paperwork. It’s a pretty pleasant division of labor.
She has learned to hyper focus on her knitting, we have a lifetime supply of dish rags and some truly giant blankets. There’s a Blanket based on some sort of Amish pattern that I’m going to have to figure out how to display. She also loves her trash TV. Watches the worst reality TV crap, 90 day fiance, Hoarders, angry cooking shows. She knits and watches TV while doing her remote job. Makes amazing money and uses those things to keep her quota to a reasonable excellent level instead of blowing the curve for her coworkers. I built her a pirate server that pulls any show she wants and automatically plays it for her.
If I buy something for her, I try and get it in pink or with a pig on it. She has an enormous pig figurine collection. I’m taking back her ‘pig shelf’ as it is a glass and wood cabinet from my family that I want to put in my study.
Inside the house the kitchen is her main room. I try not to cook even though I enjoy it. She rules that room and fixiates on producing amazing food. She’s plotting something about clear acrylic shelves to hold her piggies. I’ll execute once she has a plan and provides me with pictures or links of what she wants.
In many ways, we have some sort of idealized '50s lifestyle. Idealized, not actual. One of these days I’m going to catch her vacuuming in pearls and heels. She’s bi and free to explore relationships with other women, for instance.
She’s highly functional and doesn’t do mania. I also know how to pet her the right way. It’s an easy relationship.
ND women ≠ MPDG
Please just don’t.
They’re people with quirks. There’s nothing more to it.
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