when i was a child, i had a tendency to extremely hyper fixate on various topics for months, so now that i’m older it just feels like i’ve experienced everything even though I technically haven’t. the fixations are becoming much more quick in terms of cycles / how long they (don’t) last and i spend most of my time feeling bored and empty, just rotting away and feeling entertained by nothing. lately this has caused me to get really stuck in the past, so i spend a lot of time just laying in bed crate digging my own memories and feeling kind of depressed because i have nothing new to be excited by or interested in. it does not help that i don’t really have any long term goals or ambitions either, i just kind of exist.
does anyone else feel like this?
This really resonates with me. It certainly feels like it gets harder to manage every year, but I don’t know that that’s actually the case. I think the reality is just that I’ve become much more aware of my deficiencies over time.
As a child I wouldn’t bat an eye at playing video games for 10 hours straight without eating or drinking anything, but as an adult I’m aware that I could be doing so much more productive things with my time. Now, if I ever feel the familiar urge of a new fixation setting in I also feel melancholic because I have to actively temper myself to the point I feel guilty if I indulge it.
Interesting point of view. Honestly I guess I am kinda broken in that regard, I miss the constant fixations a lot, I feel so bored and helpless when I have nothin’ to focus on. it does sound to me like your hope is ultimately to control that, in which case I wish you the absolute best.