I think my first reply deleted, but that makes so so much sense. I learned about that in communication class and completely forgot. for me, i like you statements because they have clear intentions and instructions, but I need to try and remember that most people don’t see it that way

yeahhhh I’m fine with the norm in life outside of my family… but it’s also so tiring to do it constantly. I wish they would understand and try and find something that works for us all like I do. none of us should have to go through the day dreading the next interaction. but I also don’t want to upset people, and I get people find it off-putting. I just wish there was an easy way to make it all work together, since I spend all the time outside of my house following norms. also yes! I loved it when I went to Europe, I found communicating with people in the countries I’ve visited there much easier than in America

yessss I feel like my “normal” tone or whatever you call it is generally perceived as cold no matter what I’m talking about. and usually I can cover it but when I’m tired or stressed it can be exausting doing it all say

I definitely want to communicate in a way everyone likes. since I can’t control how my words are perceived, i try really hard usually to fit other people’s standards. I don’t want to make communication hard for others like people make if for me. and I don’t want to upset anyone. but then when i ignore how i want to communicate, when im stressed all the bluntness comes out in full force. I really hope we can find a good group compromise, cause I don’t want people to be offended or me to be exausted.

I hope they see that I usually try to cover my bluntness, it just comes out in times of stress and then people get upset and then there’s even more stress. and it’s really tiring always covering it. when I talked to them about it, my sister at least listened, and we’re working on finding what’s best for both of us, so a compromise IS possible. everyone older than 20 in my family just refuses to change lmao

I actually think that that could work with my family. thank you!

that’s so cool, what? I’ll definitely have to look that up, maybe try and make it a thing in my neighborhood 👀 it would definitely be helpful, as there are dogs in over half the houses in my neighborhood

I have tried communicating with my family their way for years. i try to talk to them about my needs. they still don’t listen, nor work on communicating, except for my sister. I’m exausted from trying to communicate in the way they want with nothing changing. im tired every day i interact with them because they wont listen to my mental needs, just physical. i want our communication to be a compromise, but they won’t try to even understand why this way of communicating works for me. i would be completely ok meeting them in the middle if they tried. I want to meet them in the middle for all of our sakes. but no. and my father IS a narcissist so maybe don’t assume. he’s straight up said that we communicate how he wants to communicate or he won’t listen. I’m not the one who screams at people when don’t talk the way I like (aka both my parents and grandma), I’m just some dude who was exausted and annoyed and went to lemmy to talk it out

that’s honestly a really good way to look at it. I guess for me it always feels that someone is pulling the wheel away and not letting me help drive, just saying that i wont help, so when I do get a turn I want to make sure no one misinterprets where I’m going, and there’s no BS on the way. but people also want to actually enjoy the drive. which, I think I can try and do more :) my dad makes it super hard, as he won’t let other people talk and purposely misconstruse our words, so I think that on top of my AuDHD just makes it super hard to know how firm to be lol. but that’s no reason to not work and try and improve 😌

that makes a lot of sense, orders are annoying. in the case of the dogs, I’ll purposely walk ahead to keep them not tangled, and tell people that, and they walk even closer, so I guess I’m just not thinking about throwing in a please 💀 but hey, now I have a new challege: be polite even when three dogs are ripping you in opposite directions

when I talked to my sister about it, she said she understands and it’s just different for her, so we both have to work on adjusting to each other, which makes sense. yaknow, find a middle ground. but some people just won’t ajust or try to understand and I find it so infuriating

I hadn’t thought about it that way. you’ve given me something to work on lol :)

I could not recommend anything more strongly than loop earplugs. they have been a lifesaver for me. they have 3 different types with different dB of reduction, and ones made specifically so you can still hear people with them in. I have two pairs and they make everything easier