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Joined 8 months ago
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Cake day: January 14th, 2024

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  • gaifux@lemmy.worldtoAutism@lemmy.worldPoem 3
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    8 months ago

    I like this one better than poem 2 personally. It’s another take on what I see as a similar tension, between being grounded and in the air / aloof. The line about fruits, like the idea but I think you could potentially flesh it out more. What draws the “you” in the poem to the ground and fruits? It seems like a preference that isn’t touched on, maybe that’s the intention but seems like describing their preference could help further color the subject’s tension / struggle


  • gaifux@lemmy.worldtoAutism@lemmy.worldPoem 2.
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    8 months ago

    I like it. Wondering if “… In slight” was a typo or just a play on words. Also I think it would be prettier without curse words but depends what you’re ultimately going for. This feels to me more like song lyrics than straight prose with that style of repetition