It’s so crazy how it looks like they want to double-team you but they are legitimately just good friends and it isn’t a weird homophobic thing.

I’m still referring to my need to steal everything that is not both nailed down and on fire.

…nailed down or on fire is fine.

I do drugs about it but I’m not a perfect role model.

At least they’re prescription so there’s an air of legitimacy.

I’m allergic to corn, so I don’t know if this is true, but if I pooped a food that was still whole I’d consider not eating it again.

I really want to do the Mediterranean diet but my foot is currently in a cast and I get my groceries done once a week and veggies around here straight up do not last… so I’m struggling.

I would unironically enjoy reading this. And satirical buying merchandise and putting a Je-Who fish on my car.

Downright folksy.

Having two people’s heads that close while trying to lick the same thing is entirely about fantasy and not at all about comfort.

What on earth is a snack bucket?

Make an assessment.