I was eating at a restaurant one time with some people from out of town when a car drove past the window. Nobody really seemed to interested when I pointed it out until I also pointed out that there is not a road outside that window. The car had jumped the curb, threaded the needle between a stop sign and fire hydrant, and made it about 80 feet through the park before stopping. The cops were still dealing with the guy when I left the restaurant, he was clearly very inebriated.

I’m going with “Hop 'N Slide”

Either the rock weighs exactly 500kg to an impressive precision and has been there for eleven thousand years or it weighs five hundred thousand kg and has been there for exactly 11 years.

My city has a bunch: The spoon lady, miniature horse guy, topless fat lady, the guy that rides his Harley around pulling a trailer with a pig in it, Johnny sax, blunt man, and guitar hero are all the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I live in a weird city.

Man, I knew Florida was doing some crazy shit these days but I had no idea they had their own system of measurements now.

Allegiant airlines tried to charge me $5 to print out my boarding pass. In order to not pay it I had to stand at the counter using their shitty website to check into the flight so I could get my boarding pass on my phone before I could check my bag.