dumptruckdan

Show me them marsh melons

If you’re not home and the neighbor notices something suspicious happening at your house, they could call the cops/call you, or they could just pretend they didn’t see it because FU. If your mailbox is on the other side of the street in someone else’s lawn, they could weed whack carefully around it or they could “”“accidentally”“” damage the post every time. They could pick up their dog’s shit or they could send their dog over to use your yard. While all of those negative outcomes could be solved with security cameras and at worst a trip to small claims court, it’s still a hassle. Just depends on what’s worth more to you.

The panther is like a leopard,
Except it hasn’t been peppered.
Should you behold a panther crouch,
Prepare to say Ouch.
Better yet, if called by a panther,
Don’t anther.

(Ogden Nash)

Yes exactly. Apologies for the wordiness.

It made more sense when I started thinking of humans as animals. In that context it’s like dogs sniffing butts or ants touching antennae when they meet. I eventually settled on a few generic responses that felt less fake than “fine” (idk why “fine” rankles me so much but “not too bad” doesn’t, but eh) but didn’t elicit further questions, and that made it slightly easier.

I agree with the other commenters that you should spend some time outside your comfort zone but pace yourself very carefully. The article mentioned a proximal zone that’s outside but adjacent to the comfort zone. I think it’s good to mostly shoot for that with occasional planned forays further out just to test yourself.

IMO nobody should be telling you when to go outside your comfort zone or how far, or whether you’re doing it enough, unless it’s someone close to you whose opinion you can trust and who you know will hear you out when you say you’re overwhelmed. And even then you still have veto power because you’re the one who has to deal with the fallout if you push yourself too far and melt down or burn out. I don’t ever see any NT folks volunteering to help people clean up their life after that except maybe social workers and therapists.

The flip side of this is that since nobody can tell you how much is too much, you’re responsible for monitoring that yourself and communicating or removing yourself before you get overwhelmed. That’s a good use for the proximal zone - testing your boundaries and keeping an eye on your mood so you can learn to spot when you are approaching your limit. Easier said than done, but I’ve found it worth the effort. And it gets easier with time.

The other thing to recognize is that some days your comfort zone is pretty big and other days it’s about as big as your bed. Asking yourself “how big is my comfort zone today” helps you give yourself some grace. If it’s a bed day and you got out of bed, you already exited your comfort zone and should factor that in when you plan your day.

I looked it over and it’s all stuff I’m familiar with. I’ve been working on my weight for a few years and made some progress. I have disabling mental health stuff that sets me back. Not using it as a reason not to try, just that it makes it tough to do anything consistently enough to see results.

slim down

Welp that lets me out

“Well if I were doing perfect I wouldn’t be here”

I’ve never used it before but so far it seems slower than just typing with my fingers. Too used to using two hands to type I guess.

Because with porn you’re watching it, alone or with a partner, for a specific purpose. When I’m watching a regular movie I don’t want to sit next to my brother or my mom and watch that. Even if I’m alone I don’t want to get all hot and bothered and then it’s like, do I pause for a minute and go deal with it or sit and watch a car chase like this? Just imply it and cut to the next morning or something. Only time I’m cool with it is watching with the spouse.

Tell me about it. My brain shows up at 3am with my life’s blooper reel full box set on Blu-ray and a bucket of popcorn but is nowhere to be seen when it’s time to remember where my other pants went.

Somewhat. I still have some of the visual images in my head, but the memory of how I felt at those times is gone or very faded. Often the memories feel, not exactly dreamlike, but like I am looking at a diorama or one of those paperweights that has a scene encased in resin, forever visible but inaccessible.

I’ve started to forget my dad’s voice a bit and it scares me. I don’t want to forget anything about him ever.

My therapist said that you don’t really remember things, you just remember the last time you remembered them. Like a copy of a copy. And that’s how memories get distorted over time. So it’s like, am I ruining those memories by remembering them, like a tape you play over and over til you wear it out? Or should I play the tapes anyway in case I hit my head or have a stroke or something and lose a bunch of them?

My phone has been a lifesaver for remembering things. I grew up in the days of paper planners, so it’s a real treat to be able to set up reminders etc. Prior to that I used lists and post-it notes. Post-it notes are tricky because if you use them a lot they become part of the scenery, so getting an assortment and changing to a different color note helped me to notice them.

For developing habits, instead of “do it for 30 days and it’ll stick” (lmao) I try to shoot for progressively more consistency over time. So when getting back in the habit of flossing, every day was overwhelming but I could do once per week which was better than nothing. Then every other day. Now I do it daily. Does this work with everything? No but when it works it works. In other words don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Some > none.

Mindfulness is not a cure-all but it is a good building block. I practiced just being present and noticing my thoughts. Noticing thoughts allowed me to start observing my train of thought to see where exactly it derails and keeps me from getting things done. If I can figure out where I’m getting distracted I can create workarounds for those. Sometimes I have to literally make a diagram of the thought pattern, like a flowchart, to see what’s happening.

I also made a list of my main goals in life including the pedestrian ones like eating healthier and doing creative things, and posted a thing on my fridge to help remember to do something towards those goals every day that I feel up to it. That cuts down on the amount of time I spend in neutral gear wondering what to do with my time. If I don’t know wtf else to do then at least I can do something small that will advance a life goal.

The last thing I’ll say is give yourself some grace. Nobody has their shit together. Some people just fake it better. Reward yourself whenever you make progress and go out of your way to point out to yourself when you accomplished something or successfully used a cognitive tool. That voice in your head that says you’re dumb and can’t do anything? It’s a jerk, don’t listen to it. Go out of your way to rub your successes in its face.

That’s all I got, hope it helped.

Yup. Also applies if you’re diagnosed but having to rawdog all of it because your body can’t tolerate either ADHD meds or antidepressants. So you’re stuck trying to kludge together solutions with behavioral, cognitive and lifestyle changes and it’s like trying to build a sand castle with powdered sugar. Maybe you can make something stick together a bit, but one big sneeze and it’s all gone.

Captcha comics and especially Inglip

And when you first get in, the water is noticeably warmer by the time it hits your feet because you’re so warm. When your feet start getting the cool water, then and only then are you done.

swimming upstream

I know you didn’t mean it this way, but the context made me chuckle.

Also I commiserate with you OP, as I am part of a fashion community whose name we can’t really change due to circumstances, but which attracts certain kinds of unwelcome attention online.

Edit: gahh I meant to reply to socialjusticewizard’s comment