Stage three: make everyone on earth sound like a freaked out anime character.

Success.

In a time which measurement makes even the biggest of brains strain, humans have finally become an advanced civilization. With wave after wave of new and exciting diseases wiping out the once controlling older generation and lowering the population to sustainable levels.

Earth was back, BABY!

The whole is not perfect, to truly achieve world peace, and to be taken seriously by aliens if they’re out there ignoring us, a secret sect of specialized time jumpers has begun the task of correcting historic follies and stopping specific threats that at one point in time created insurmountable damage to humanity.

Now the technology is fickle. Still in beta and the procedures can only be completed by specific humans. We’ve sent out best and worst. There was an 87.00047 rate of time redacted melting.

Imagine how long it takes to melt if you have your time redacted by the machine. So it requires a very unique person who is quite likely a product of inbreeding. Scientists have been trying to figure out the melting matrix, and so far successful “Librarians” have had abnormalities that are most commonly found in branchless family trees.

The job, is to go back and chronicle everything outlined in your directive packet. You’ll have to find ways to stop some of histories worst people without killing them. Prevent catastrophic events, without alarming the public. Be light on your toes, good with your fists, and focused in the mind.

We know medically, this might be incredibly difficult. You can’t get distracted by attractive cousins. No time for darts with the boys. The season finally of Pappas pig, forget about it. You’re there to stop the worst of the worst and the world’s largest disasters.

Or in rare cases, ensure that the disaster goes through. It’s a tough job and the whole time, you and your fellow Librarians must constantly be recording and creating a record of your travels.

Ultimately, your information with create the Human Chronicle, and complete a book that will ultimately teach the world how to grow, and avoid the monsters that exist to create chaos and destroy humanity, one bit at a time.

TL;DR: Sweet, but stupid time traveller’s going through time to secure a prosperous future for humanity. Use hilarious and out of the box thinking to stop bad guys, and ensure you’re taking notes of the time and place you are sent to.

TL;DR pt2: if you didn’t read it, you dodged a bullet.

I know she’s smarter, better, and stronger than I and would find a way to help explain and educate this woman on how she’s pissing into the wind wrong…

But I can’t help but imagine Janeway just kicking the shit out of that foxbot on principle and for the security of the federations reputation.

And you’re doing a great fucking job of it, too.

Thank you.

But because of this one life hack, it's just one that's all dirty.

If they weren't so thoughtfully put together as such, then they'd all be dirty.

People still wondering just what the fuck it's for hate this one hack.

Someone out there is hurting bad after expressing themselves.

“You know what Luke? I’ve seen the very same look on your mothers face before. She was in this field asking your father about this thing thay happened that time when…”

Upper tier quality shitpost.

Stop shoving you giraffe gender issues on my kids! It’s making them corrupt and weird!

/s

The more i see and recognize the use of the term “Federation”, the more my inner geek hopes this is how IRL Star Trek starts.

“The federation started as a group of loosely associated social media and information hubs where people would share ideas, porn and memes. The ideals and social structure would eventually spread to a much larger and more dynamic series of instances that built up to and even greater federation of the human online colonies. As it grew, first contact was made and the inter galactic trade federation was established to trade porn and memes, would eventually go onto to much more larger, important, totally not porn related causes. To explore strange new worlds, and seek out new…”

Time saver. Fewer dremel related happy accidents. Less waste from the dremelless folks out there just throwing the fuckers out. Remaining stock could be recovered for re-branding (or as we here at shitty business like to call it, D-Branding) and remain in circulation, and out of the dump.

Shit, ask Madison to pick the design or color, throw her proceeds from the sale to a legal fund because, well, this kinda only ends one way so far.

Make sure you get yours for this because that’s a surprisingly great one you got there if ya think about it.

“And you know who’s sorry? Us, because we WERE the sponsors!”

Gonna take one fucking amazing d-brand wrap to make this shit look good.

For the sake of piracy, and their message, don’t buy from key Gen sites, as well. They not only are flat out stealing, profiteering like mother fuckers, but over and over again.

Don’t pay for organized crime when you can do it yourself if ya gotta. Cut the scalpers out.