Funny thing is, my doctors put my bipolarity front and center. I had to beg them to give me Ritalin. I know I had some sort of ADHD because my father was a Ritalin addict, took it intravenously ( he was a dentist so somehow he could prescribe himself Ritalin. The only reason I can get 2 kinds of Ritalin is, my father used to prescribe it in my prescription pad. This was way before digital prescriptions. They rolled that, and now people like my dad are desperate. My dad himself is six feet under, turns out, you can inject yourself 90 tablets of prime Ritty so much before your body gives up) and so there was a lot of Ritty around at our home, so I sometimes took it and I always felt better. Problem is, I never had any issues sitting down and reading a book, I never had any issues ‘paying attention’ either. But I cannot see anything through. I jump from one thing to another. So that’s why they gave me Ritalin.

I have a lot of problems greeting people, my great aunt used to mimic my way of saying hi. I would say it in a very, very low tone (English is not my first language, I mean the equivalent). And as for saying goodbye, I despise it. People are telling me ‘Yeah I see you around, remain in touch’ etc etc, shit people say at the end of a ‘social unit’ and all I can say is ‘goodbye’.

That was when I went outside though. I have not went outside for months – well this morning I went out to buy cigarettes and that was my first outage in several months.

I have other problems, not gonna lie. I wanna know if they give you pills for autism. Because I want more pills.

I have 2 psychiatrists — problem is I don’t know if I should because at 31, would it really matter? Especially when I have an onset condition diagnosed?

What change would it make? I heard you have to pass a ‘test’ to be diagnosed, which kinda sounds like those ‘ICJT’ tests, you know those fake tests where they assign you 4 letters? My brother was a psychology major (the kind without pills, not the medical kind) — he died of COVID just shy of getting his bachelors. He told me these ICJT and tests like that are scams.

Now I’m not saying autism is a ‘scam’, because it is not, I’m saying this ‘test’ sounds like one. At least, and espciallly when a 31 yo shows up and says ‘test me for autism’.

It may sound like ‘badge-seeking’ behavior to the mental health expert. If i were a totally healthy dude, who does not take Lithium, Depakote, Respridone and Ritalin, he could dismiss me as an attention-seeker. Now with this disease added, he could just tell me I am looking for trouble.

Do you guys take pills like I do? What is usually done to treat autism — at least. the kind of autism on the ‘functioning’ end of spectrum?

I wanna know if someone has ever been in my shoes. Diagnosed with bipolarity or ADHD, but late in their life, wanted to know if they are on the spectrum.