It’s a long shot, though.

I see your post has a few upvotes. Therefore, I will trust you implicitly on this matter. Thank you!

We are in the timeline where MTV stopped playing music, the White Stallions never formed, and Bill and Ted didn’t write the song to unite all of humanity.

To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest anyway.

Sounds like someone is just jealous of that sick Ronda motorcycle. And maybe right hands.

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

If I was working 3 full time jobs, I too would want to permanently work from home.

Yes, it’s OK to leave a hot dog in a car. Hot dogs are best when served warm. The searing interior of your car will make it feel right at home.

Instructions unclear. Tried to do a 180 degree turn at 80 mph. Trip was much shorter than expected.

Soapscotch?

Many years ago I found a pasta recipe called “death by garlic”. It’s the only time I’ve cooked something and though, “ok, this is a good amount of garlic!”.

RIP Carl Weathers

Hey guys, I’m developing a quintiple A game! It’s real because I just said so! Also the price point for AAAAA games will be $145 cause that’s how awesome it will make you feel.

p.s. - planned DLC releases during early access for only $99, what a bargain!

Zoolander was also my first thought after reading that title, ha.

My friends, I would like to share a story with you.

August 2023. Afternoon. I am sitting at my desk in my office. The tell tale signs of something brewing begin to make themselves known. After a time, I reluctantly acknowledge that I won’t make it another 3 hours until I get home. I trudge downstairs to the less populated floor, as one does. An empty stall appears. I seat myself on the porcelain throne and an epic battle ensues. 15 minutes later the moment of dead arrives. I reach over to the dispenser and proceed to unroll.

Halfway through the standard multi-stage folding process, necessary to create something suitable for use, I pause. Something is different. This can’t be right…this is…no, that’s impossible. I look closer at the material in my hands. I rub it between thumb and index finger. I stare in disbelief. This is soft, comfortable, 2 ply material! Gods be praised! I proceed to give myself a royal treatment; the cleanest, most wonderful experience! I feel like a king as I wash my hands and return to my desk.

I dare not speak of this to anyone, for fear the mistake will be discovered. Over the next few weeks, I make several returns trips to the same location and am treated to the same royal cleaning. Life is good!

October. I have grown complacent in my comfort over the intervening weeks. One fateful day I make the trip downstairs, now fully expecting to do business in comfort. Post excursion I reach over, my fingers make contact with something akin to sandpaper. My hand freezes and my heart drops. The most wonderful 2 ply material is gone, replaced with the old standard rough, semi transparent tissue that always results in rectal bleeding. I curl over into a sitting fetal position and morn the loss of my comfy companion. Perhaps I shed a single tear, or cry or in pain, the memory is too traumatic to recall clearly now.

Six weeks later. Was it all a dream? Did I imagine the 2 ply material from heaven? I don’t think so, but it has not returned. Maybe, against all hope, it will return in the future. Only time will tell.

TL;DR - my office had 2 ply toilet paper for a few weeks and it was the most amazing thing ever.

No…no, that’s not true. That’s impossible!

4 for $4*

*per menu item

Seriously, I mean what’s next. The Chancellor is secrectly an evil mastermind villain? Totally unbelievable.