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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 7th, 2023

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  • Thank you for the encouragement! Looking back, it’s obvious that I was dealing with the same issues already in my late teens and early twenties, but it was only during my postgraduate studies that they really started to become an impediment and I started suspecting that I might have ADHD. Now that I have my PhD and am pursuing an academic career, I’ve really started feeling my web of coping mechanisms start to rip at the seams, and I fear that eventually something will give and everything will come crashing down.

    (And one of the reasons the psychiatrist didn’t think I can have ADHD is that I managed to complete a PhD and have a decent academic job. But there are tons of stories out there about people doing exactly that?)

    Making a list of the ways I struggle and what I’m doing to mask them is a very good suggestion. But it also sounds difficult, because many of the coping mechanisms are so ingrained at this point that I don’t even realize they’re coping mechanisms. And because I need to remember to write things down when I think of them!



  • Thank you for your comment, it’s really something to think about. Maybe I didn’t really get the important points across to the psychiatrist. I know that lots of people struggle with their symptoms much worse than I ever have. It is true that, in a certain sense, I’m doing fine, outwardly in particular. But it feels like my “doing fine” comes at the cost of a huge mental effort. It’s like I have to fight against my brain to be able to do the minimum necessary effort at the things I need to do for work, at home, etc. And all of the things I want to do but don’t strictly need to, like hobbies, passions, career aspirations and such, there’s simply no mental effort or focus left for most of them most of the time. I constantly feel like I’m not able to focus on anything, I can’t perform at my best, always procrastinating, always having to focus all of the little focus I have on simply managing to stay afloat, always drained, always stressed, always overwhelmed with everything. Always feeling guilty for slacking off and being “lazy”. Feeling like I’m wasting my life, unable to do things which I really, really want to do but for whatever reason can’t bring myself to focus on.

    What could I gain? I could say a lot about that, but I guess it boils down to, I really would like to be able to choose what to focus on and when. Instead of my brain just deciding not to focus on anything, except potentially some ongoing hyperfocus obsession.