I could be mistaken, but many years ago I believe I learned that plywood is generally made by spinning a log while slicing a thin veneer off the surface, then stacking multiple of those veneers into plywood. The grain on the surface would be notably different when cutting wood with this method compared to sawing planks

Well, I’ll admit it might be poorly suited, but I know it supports comments, posts, and user signups. Users would sign up with a sbscriber role, you’d verify them somehow, and then you’d update their role. It would be a little janky but should work with little adjustment

Easiest? I’d say WordPress on a Digital Ocean droplet if you’re going super small. Allow people to sign up and vet them, and you have a functional standalone platform pretty much as soon as you can get users. I don’t know that it would take off or have a sustainable userbase though

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Yeah, that’s definitely some fucked up shit. You didn’t deserve to be tormented like that. There are some really fucked up people, and you’ve met far more than your share of them. If you don’t have the strength to get up, I get it. It’s understandable. And they did fail you. your parents, your teachers, your police force, and every authority figure who could have intervened but didn’t–all of them bear the blame for what you went through.

I don’t have the time to respond in detail, but I can say a few more things:

• I can attest that I won’t deliberately hurt anyone. I’ve lashed out at people verbally when I was in a bad place, but that’s the extent of it. Hell, I was bit by a random dog a few months ago and my first thought was “what happened to this dog that made it afraid of me?”. I know there are tolerant people because I talk to a few regularly, and because I do my best to be one myself.
• I don’t know what you’ve tried, but there’s a therapy called EMDR that is designed to help people with PTSD. Basically, you sit down with a trained professional and go through the memories that are stuck in your head while following some specific exercises that help you avoid getting sucked too far into them. I’ve heard it’s really helpful for some people.
• I get the feeling you recognize that I’m not the same person who hurt you, but if not, please try to remember that each person is unique. Some of them are assholes, some of them are neutral or even helpful. And if you approach anyone with aggression, you’ll usually find they respond with either fear or aggression. If you go to a bar or a crowded public park and just say “hello” in a somewhat positive tone to a few people, I bet you’ll get a range of responses. Some of them might be suspicious or want to be left alone, and some will likely be open to a conversation.

I know this is much easier to say than it is to internalize and believe, but it doesn’t matter what any singular person thinks about you. There are people out there who do their best to understand and accept you as you are, without using what they learned to make half-assed guesses about the rest of who you are. They may be few and far between (or maybe not), but I know they exist. As soon as you start looking for those who accept you instead of trying to be accepted by those who don’t, you’ll be on a better course. And don’t be afraid of anti-depressants. Depression makes yiu want to give up on fighting, makes you think nothing can help. It’s a lie by which the illness sustains itself. By listening to that lie, you may protect yourself from harm, but you’ll also “protect” yourself from finding happiness.

And remember, parents, old friends, etc. who don’t necessarily get you too well aren’t necessarily trying to be cruel, but you may never have quite the relationship with them you wish you could. They have their own problems from their own anxieties and abuse growing up, their own mental health issues, etc., and that can limit the depth of relationships they can achieve with you. Try to be patient, but don’t drive yourself insane trying to achieve what isn’t possible.

And if you feel like you don’t belong, maybe you don’t, and maybe that’s okay. Maybe you’re neurodivergent or simply have morals or interests that are incompatible with theirs. But the fact remains, there is someone who will accept you and with whom you can belong in peace, if you can open yourself up to let them. You haven’t lost until the last time you give up on finding them. Giving up on something you still deeply care about, without eventually picking it back up again, is the only failure. It’s okay to quit, but don’t be afraid to come back to it if you care about it.

~ advice I try to accept myself, would give my younger self, and may hopefully be at least a little helpful for you

As others have said, intelligence manifests in many ways. It can also change over time for various reasons. Do you have a specific example in mind for a situation where you had a hard time coping with a person you considered less intelligent (or possibly witnessed a very frustrated person who you perceived as highly intelligent)? A specific example would make it clearer what particular struggles you’re having.

One thing that helps is just trying to recognize that each person is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Just because someone may struggle to effectively communicate, either by struggling to absorb or share information accurately and efficiently, doesn’t mean they aren’t able to learn and communicate well in other ways.

Try to speak to them as a person. Meet them where they are to the best of your ability, but without holding any notions of superiority (it’s rude and unproductive to be condescending). And if they’re not communicating with logic, bear in mind you can’t convince them with logic, and you may find you’re better off leaving them be and continuing with your day.

Or do you perhaps mean that others react poorly to the way you communicate? The above advice could still help a lot with that, but you may, like me, have some challenges with emotional intelligence or interpersonal skills. If others are targeting you for harassment, they may feel threatened by your behavior or otherwise have a tribalistic instinctive recognition that you stand out. So you could choose to learn that language or find ways to avoid those types of reactive people, which could include bringing in people with authority to mediate depending on your situation.

I’m currently working full time in web development. Cost of living is just crazy compared to what I’ve been able to find for suitable employment, and while it doesn’t help that the types of work I tolerate well are perhaps limited by neurodivergence, I don’t think it’s the primary factor.

But that’s beside the point. I was more just saying that there are definitely people who can present as though they’re doing about as well as you could expect of a person with their background without considering neurodivergence, but still qualify for a diagnosis. Or put another way, it’s possible, in some cases, to work hard enough to fly under the radar and not even recognize it yourself. I didn’t have any issues with independence, really, until I hit an intense burnout from extreme levels of overwork and overall stress. I wouldn’t be shocked to learn of others in my position, so I’m hesitant to suggest someone may not resonate fully with the experience just because they haven’t hit their limit yet.

If you are able to function independently, then you probably won’t be clinically diagnosed even if you have some struggles here and there.

I disagree. I have official diagnoses for both ADHD and ASD and am mostly functional most of the time. If I earned enough, I’d be living on my own. I was diagnosed as an adult within the past few years while working nearly full time and I made it on time to each of the several appointments that went into getting that diagnosis. If what you say is true, I doubt the assessor would have been willing to give a diagnosis.

You know, I hadn’t thought about it too much in this context, but I do more or less the same. When I’m around anyone at all, I’m conscious of all my behaviors. The only way I can really turn it off is weed/alcohol, and even then the instinct is just dulled a little, not switched off. I don’t think the majority of people are nearly that aware of how each movement or sound they make might be perceived by others. It’s largely unconscious for most. And I don’t think it’s an inherent wiring difference either.

I think growing up different and constantly having it impressed upon you that every single way you’re different is wrong takes a toll. Other people are pushing you into a box and demanding you behave this way, not that way. Until you either learn to reject (at least some of) those rules or are pushed so far you burn out and can no longer conform, it’s constant stress. And it’s so constant that you probably aren’t even fully aware of it, particularly if you’re also alexithymic and generally have to work harder to identify your emotional state/response to a situation under the best of circumstances.

This leads me to another aspect. If we’re viewed as too rigid, then allistics’ intrinsic/core selves are perhaps comparatively more malleable. Their core underlying personality is perhaps more ready to adopt the behaviors and beliefs of the group. Quicker to be guided by faith. In which case, perhaps for an allistic person, this pushing and prodding doesn’t create this emotional/mental tension in the same way it does when it pushes an autist to mask. Granted, this feels like it’s painting an unreasonably broad brush, but maybe there’s something to it.

Also, the most solitary jobs I know of are in the tech industry. Otherwise, for really isolated jobs, maybe fire watch or possibly lighthouse work if there are openings. If you have relevant skills, you might be able to work in web design, system administration, or as a programmer (“individual contributor”) with minimal public interaction. I’m lucky enough that my managers have more or less recognized that I’m very reluctant to deal directly with customers, so I only have to interact with my small team for the most part. This likely would hurt my ability to progress to higher pay, but certainly avoids certain types of stress, and with the way the last half a decade has gone, I’m only just now reaching a point where I might have energy for that broader social interaction again.

So I designed the company in a way that makes my personal limits less of a problem…

Interesting. It sounds to me like you used your strengths to streamline your process such that your limits don’t come up as much. By working towards solutions that accommodated your limits, you built software that would make life easier for anyone (provided they can figure out the software). The same approach would probably work well for me.

they found a flaw in our contracts and took off with like 50k [+250k in damages]

Ah, that would make me hesitant to take on partners too. I’ve had some small setbacks from trusting people, but never quite that much (granted, I’ve never had that much to lose). Sucks you had that happen. Crazy that it was a previously reliable employee who turned on you like that too.

I don’t know that I would be able to work with partners I couldn’t trust. Even if I could keep them at arms length and remain suspicious, the added effort of having to handle that on top of everything else wouldn’t be worth it, not to mention there would be too high of a chance they’d eventually stab me in the back. If it’s a choice between working with someone I can’t trust or trying to go at it alone, working alone is definitely a better choice. I agree with you there. I’ll keep that in mind as I continue working on this problem. If I do look for a business partner, I’d be looking for someone who comes across as unflinchingly transparent, and whose transparency reveals strong integrity and a collaborative spirit.

Thanks, listing out some specific experts to talk to and describing the overall process is helpful! I suppose I’ll need to return to that project and work out the remaining bugs, revisit my business plan, talk with some consultants, and then look into funding. Given that my project requires custom-manufactured hardware, the upfront cost could be eye wateringly high, potentially > $100k if I needed to start generating revenue quickly.

Sounds like you might have gotten a gray hair or two already dealing with this stuff, prepare for more.

It was definitely a challenging few years, between that and everything else going on in my life. I don’t mind hard work. I’d rather spend my time doing something meaningful to me than working on whatever a manager dictates I should do. I do need time to relax and recharge, but there’s nothing saying I can’t do both.

Partners were what nearly brought me down.

Could you expand on that a little? I’ve been looking for partners because I’ve come to understand that certain tasks burn me out quickly, which leads me to think one or more partners will need to take on those tasks in my case. Did you have a bad experience with a partnership? Couldn’t find anyone who was competent and interested?

It’s hard to find examples of autistic entrepreneurs, and neurodiverse-friendly resources for starting a business are hard to find online. If you were so inclined, I think sharing your experience in a book/website could help a lot of aspiring innovators. (How did you research? What business structures have you tried? What roadblocks did you hit/what solutions did you find that worked for you? How was your experience convincing people to trust/work with you?, etc.)

Mind if I ask if you have any advice for an aspiring entrepreneur? I had an electronics project that I tried to get off the ground. I managed to teach myself what I needed, but I’m stumped by lack of funding, time, and an aversion to the social aspects. I figure I need to find cofounders who can take on that work, but no one I know has the time, and few if any have the skills. Plus as a self-taught electronics designer, I can’t ignore a concern that there could easily be a major mistake that’ll affect reliability/lifespan of whatever I produce.

I have ideas in varying stages for electronics and software. Not many I’ve started on, but a few I’ve at least started basic planning for.

If you have good insurance it’s no nearly that much. Weekly, with good insurance, you’re looking at ~$20-30. Without insurance, with a payment plan for low income individuals, you can find discounted care around $60-70/session fairly easily. They didn’t check my income when I was offered that, just in response to me mentioning I might need to quit when my insurance was shit for a year or two.

The Secular Therapy Project may be worth looking at. It focuses on specifically finding non-theist care providers, but as I understand it, you’ll be less likely to find non-evidence based providers, so somewhat better outcomes.

Ultimately, therapy is a space for you to work through your own issues with the help of a trained professional who can guide you, but imprecisely. They’ll offer tools, and it’s up to you to figure out how to use them in a way that suits you. The tools can work, but only so much as you are willing to learn to apply them for your own benefit. Some will suit you better than others. It’s hard to have that much patience to continue trying new approaches, introspecting, and growing two steps forward and one step back, but it’s worth it. Ultimately, as cliche as this probably sounds, every day you’re putting in that effort, trying to see the good, reaching towards contentedness and your dreams, is a small victory. It’s a step in the right direction.

*these prices are for US healthcare prividers. It may be different elsewhere.

(This turned into a bit of a wall of text, so I hid the longer paragraphs in spoiler tags with a “TL;DR” as the label)

Definitely sounds like a tough one to find, unfortunately. The one I found was willing to assess me as an adult white man for AuDHD, and I believe he had some adult women as patients, but I don’t know if he would know how to approach an adult diagnosis for a high masking woman.

On a related note, if you haven’t seen this list of resources linked in the sidebar yet, there’s some interesting stuff in there. I know that Yo Samdy Sam, the last YouTube channel linked there, is an adult-diagnosed AuDHD woman. Her experience might be relatable/a useful reference point.

For what it’s worth, you seem genuine to me. And from my understanding, the vast majority of people who seek a diagnosis in good faith and put forth the effort to understand the condition well enough to tentatively self-diagnose are correct in their assessment. With or without diagnosis, if you have done the legwork and feel it’s a strong possibility, you’re welcome to consider yourself included.

Yeah, it’s frustrating how expensive those evals can be. I couldn’t even get them to give me a price when I was looking into it. Because I couldn’t agree without knowing the cost, they suggested someone else who wouldn’t do a full psych eval, but would bill it (mostly) as a normal psychiatrist visit and give a more general “yes or no” answer. Maybe that’s an option? Insurance might be more willing to cover that too.

I think you’re right, thanks for the ID! I’ve seen monarchs and silver spotted skippers around, but I don’t think I’ve seen this type hanging around too much

Thanks! This was a few months ago, but IIRC they were around 6-8 inches (15-20 cm) tall, so not quite as big as the composition might make it look.

The best job I could ever hope for would let me find arbitrary projects to work on, at whatever pace I’m comfortable with. Doing the same type of work day after day will get boring/tiring for me no matter what it is, no matter how complex or simple, how isolated or social.

I’ve basically started picking up random productive hobbies around my day job that take over my life until I finish them or the grind of life obligations makes me put it down to be forgotten.

I’m curious where we’ll be if we can move towards a future with a living wage UBI and people can choose to be productive in whatever way suits them. How would people fill their time?