source?

Colby Jack… tell me you’re indecisive without telling me you’re indecisive.

that’s an important (yet debatable) prediction. historically, in subsistence based economies where more farmhands=more food I think that’s been true. and holds true up to the point where costs of living don’t exceed net household wages (picture Dickens era chimney sweep kids laboring for a pittance).

what’s interesting is that it’s not true AT ALL for any other species in nature, only humans in the post ~1800s era have developed a seeming unlimited capability to secure more food for their young. wild deer populations naturally reduce themselves when food is scarce, but humans found a cheat code to growing forever.

hard to say. but it’s worth mentioning that although the doubling time for population has been contracting since 1800, it now appears to have flattened and is reversing direction.

maybe more accurate to compare say, fewer people choosing to have children vs fewer kids surviving to adulthood and what conditions contribute more to each

actual bonding comes later, first you have to spend a bunch of time just being in the presence of other people. make acquaintances using a common activity first is a good approach.

that you say “willing to” already kinda sounds like you don’t give others much opportunity to get to know you and vice versa. as another commenter said - you may be stuck in a self limiting loop.

make opportunities for connection first - find a litter clean up volunteer event, or a community garden where they need help, or an after school club, or a friendly working class bar (this was my place of choice for years until I found better alternatives)… the specific place or context doesn’t matter. find an activity or thing you enjoy (or could see yourself enjoying) and where other people can see/be around you… and eventually, completely unplanned you will invariably get to know people and then, maybe… bond with them. bonding isn’t a prerequisite to talking and sharing information about yourself or your struggles though. it can be as simple as pulling up a bar stool and raising a glass to someone you just met. or the non alcoholic equivalent if you don’t drink, I guess.

our only hope at this point is probably

1. people globally deciding to have fewer and fewer children due to rapidly deteriorating standards of living paired with rising inequality (no one will be able to afford kids let alone a home or healthcare)

2. perpetual multi-crises and climate catastrophes disrupting supply chains and halting economic growth/consumption

3. global economic collapse due to war, mass refugee migration, reshaping of national borders in a race to extract dwindling reserves of precious minerals and ore, also resulting in plummeting per capita consumption and/or birthrate

4. all of the above in a self-reinforcing feedback loop

… fuck, this was supposed to be the hopeful scenario. smh, we live in interesting times.

it’s a shitty time to be alive for many of us. some have it much worse than others, and there’s truly no rational explanation why things are this way. I’m sorry for your pain and what you’re going through. you don’t deserve it. no one does. glib life advice from strangers on the internet should not be given lightly or taken too seriously… but, since you asked directly, here goes.

1. find someone who will listen and commiserate, preferably irl. who and where will vary wildly dependending on your circumstances but consider that many people nowadays are longing for someone to connect with (not romantically, just someone who can listen without judgement). if you learn to reciprocate that vibe, you’ll find someone in no time.

2. exercise, move your body around for at least 30 minutes continuously, every damn day. doesn’t matter what, just MOVE. walk around your neighborhood, back and forth to the store, or even around the campus/work parking lot at lunch. bonus points if you can convince someone else to walk with you.

3. disable all notifications on your phone, except critical contacts like close family or friends, (or work if you have serious responsibilities - gotta pay those bills).you need to reclaim your time as your own. agency is a big part of self dignity, and having a machine dictate your time is dehumanizing.

4. hang out around other people in a public space, preferably where nature can be enjoyed or where laughter can be heard. just watch and listen to the world. a park bench, a library, a dive bar (not a sports bar with TVs or tourists, but regulars). participating in the rhythm of social and natural spaces can be a kind of mindfulness and gets the juices flowing so to speak.

more ideas come to mind but this might be a start. good luck stranger. ps, check out “tragic optimism”. has helped me a lot over the years. take care.

have to crawl before you can walk. it’s going to take all kinds of actions and events to make a noticeable difference and one size does not fit all problems/communities