megane-kun

Thank you. I’ve come to more or less a similar conclusion with regards to my issues. I’ll deal with what I can deal with, with what I have, but for everything else, I’ll just leave it be, hopefully in the past.

Just as a note, I don’t consider myself as having undergone the so-called Asian parenting, with parents employing not just corporal punishment, but also emotional blackmail to get their children to achieve academically, and save their faces; but I think it’s the best word to describe what I’ve gone through. However, my siblings turned out alright (hopefully). I guess I‌ might have gone relatively unscathed had some things in my teenage years have gone differently.

The thing is, there was no explanation, nor an attempt at it. Parents back in my generation weren’t supposed to.

Parenting style where I grew up tend to be “don’t explain, don’t let your children ask, have them just follow.” Corporal punishment is also normal, with being hit by clothes hangers, belts, or really, whatever they can get hands on. If that’s not enough, we are asked to “meditate and discover what actually went wrong” while kneeling on (sea) salt for at least fifteen minutes.

In one occasion, I was lasooed on the neck by a belt and having my face hit by the belt buckle. Of course, it was my fault, no questions asked. There was no explanation, and I was left alone in a room to recuperate.

Oh, did I even explain that I eventually learned (quite early on, actually) that I shouldn’t behave in “destructive ways”? Quite early on, as far as I‌ remember, well, at least while my mom’s around. Again, I should emphasize this: there was no explanation, no attempt to, they weren’t supposed to.

And oh, counseling? Professional psychiatric help? Not a thing that is affordable where I‌ live. Not America, but might as well be a cheap clone of it.

Fair enough.

My mom had been emotionally manipulative that it instilled in me that showing affection in anything will result in that thing being used against me. If that’s not enough, she mocks me for the things I’ve shown interest on, usually telling me it’s “useless” or “a hindrance”. Later on, I learnt to fake emotion and attachment to things that I could very well afford losing. Moreover, if I can lose everything and anything I love at any moment, there’s really no use being attached to anything.

Anyways, I was ready to acknowledge that it’s but one aspect of parenting. Parenting is hard, having seen my parents deal with us siblings, and then seeing my siblings deal with their own children. Parents (as a rule) try their best to raise their children in the best way they know how, for better or for worse. And even if my mom did gave me this trauma I’ve given up in dealing with (long story), I still love her.

Wouldn’t that end up with a kid who values nothing, not even their own life?

My mom used a similar technique to get me to do what she wants me to do, and I ended up, well, the way I am right now. I hide a lot of things from her, and if necessary, only pretend to show interest in things I don’t give a damn about just to have a semblance of a personality. Worse, even if I‌ die right after this comment, I wouldn’t mind one bit.

Good points! I forgot to say though, I graduated from high school a decade ago and I still sometimes have those school exam nightmares for some reason. I’m guessing it’s because the trauma is real, lol! The pain of dying socially in high school stays with you.

For me, the first step is meeting people that I actually would not mind being around with. And people who are actually fun to be with, and do activities with that I want to do, but I can’t do alone.

And then keeping in mind that most people I’d meet aren’t really out to hurt me. Most won’t help me either, but either way, they’re just minding their own business and that I’m just another person to them, at least at the start.

And finally, learning the art of when not to give a fuck (and when to). I still suck at it though.

I’m not so sure about what my brain considers “combat readiness drills”.

I’ve had nightmares where I was woefully unprepared for an exam that I went to school, running late, without any pants nor underwear on. And as I sat for the exam, I felt so nervous I wanted to pee. And so I did, right in my seat. Thankfully, I was able to wake up before I peed in my bed.

And then I’ve had a recurring nightmare where I was exploring an endless staircase, with a team of like-minded people. We kept going down and down, as some of our teammates eventually succumbed to fatigue, and then thirst as our supplies dwindled. In some versions, we ended up in the same place we began. In another version, we ended up at some large underground facility, totally dark except for the staircase where we came from.

The only nightmare I could ever consider “combat readiness drill” is a nightmare where I found myself to be a civilian caught in a crossfire inside an abandoned factory, much like what you’d see in action films. How I ended up there, I have no idea, but I eventually got shot as I was trying to escape, and died.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Dammit!

I usually grind my own coffee (from roasted beans) before making my coffee in the morning, and I tell you, when I used a basic hand grinder, I can kill way more than five minutes. It’s really a meditative process though, and as a bonus, the aroma wafting from the freshly ground beans is really relaxing. Having said that, I bought myself an electric grinder since I just want my caffeine on most mornings. Still a meditative process though, just with less hand movement nowadays and more staring at the ground coffee falling into a heap. And then there’s staring at the drip coffee machine as the black liquid trickles into the carafe.

I had to look up what a “coffee pot” is, but I am still not sure if it meant what I thought it meant (a literal pot for coffee, perhaps a french press, coffee maker, or even an espresso machine if you’re really deep into it), which, if my guess is indeed correct… I’m sorry to say, it’s already a habit of mine to the point that I have to have my morning smoke with coffee.

But yeah, if you mean something else (based on the second word, it might be), it’s illegal where I live, not even for medical purposes (but I’ve encountered people who use it recreationally). Indeed, it’s said to be less addictive than tobacco.

This is true, I concur. However, I won’t last for however as long as extroverts being with other people continuously. Give me some time to breathe every once in a while, even if for short periods.

As an aside, this is also part of why I kept my smoking habit. I know it’s frowned upon by people, and I’ve got to stay away from other people to do my thing. The nice side effect is that it gives me a good five minutes or so of alone time, which in social situations, can mean the difference of me suddenly spacing out, and being able to last the entire ordeal. I haven’t really found a good replacement for this, unfortunately—of course, this might just be my addiction speaking.

My guess at that time is that it was an instance setting or something. That instances have a list of languages it supports. It makes sense given the admins have to be able to read and understand the posts in order to do their job responding to reports and whatnot.

But then again this was mid-June, there’s a lot of things happening, and I didn’t really explore the issue further, hoping that it’d be fixed eventually (once the more urgent issues got addressed).

I actually set-up my account to have a shortlist of languages to use (English, my native language, and a few languages I dabble on).

Come to think of it, I only see the language setting in the desktop/web interface. The mobile app that I am using doesn’t have it.

A handful of months ago, I tried to actively use that post/comment language selector. However I ended up giving up because for some reason, only English is accepted. The other choices just resulted in the loading ring spinning forever and ever and my comment/post never being coming through.

I’m looking at this as “various little breaking points” some very trivial, but when taken as a whole, could break someone’s tolerance, causing someone to be an eX-user.

Wow, this is real good! Thanks for the recommend!

Whoa! Dude, lol! Now I kinda want to hear reggae sped up to a ska-like BPM, and ska slowed down to a relaxing reggae-like BPM.

Thank you. To be quite honest, I’ve had a roommate once who loved reggae and ska, and even though I don’t know the names of the songs nor the artists, I kinda like the entire vibe of it. Not that I’d want to listen to it all day though, but a bit of it in a day’s listening makes my day a bit brighter, if that even makes sense.

I might have been guilty of wrongfully associating ska with reggae though, and to be fair, I couldn’t even distinguish one from the other.

I admittedly know nothing about Ska, and music genres more generally, and whatever little searching I did upon reading this post have given me nothing that I can digest.

However, I’ve read a discussion about hate for ska coming from cultural appropriation and being liked by teenage boys. Can someone walk me through this?

Thanks for that mental image of a girl using a turkey baster as a dildo and jizz as lube of some sort.

Also known as Scumbag Steve Huffingman.

You said “promo,” not “porno,” right?