emenaman

Amen to that! Described my first ever relationship that ended up with me being celebate for 6 years. I thought that was normal couple behavior at the time and I didn’t want a part of that.

Compare it to this… Watching a highly rated chef come up with the most amazing sounding and looking dinner meal over the course of a few hours. You are anxiously awaiting to take a bite and salivating for that moment. When you finally get served your plate and get to that scrumptious first bite, the biggest wave of disappointment hits and you lose your appetite.

I don’t know how else to explain it

Guy who is old enough to use his first computer to get on a BBS to get this type of experience

I did shrooms and mdma in my early 20s as well and I think it helped me tremendously. I would go to small gatherings with ‘hippy’ musicians as I have always been one with playing music to fit in with people. After a few months and a bunch of doses, I slowly started to understand body language but still a hard time with speech/conversations. One of my shrooms trips, I made some kind of connection with micro entities living within me and my whole life changed after that. The mdma would just make me not be scared of being myself which a few people saw the beauty in my character. What I now know is called masking, I subconsciously become aware of and was no longer a visible wreck in social situations. I was still very focused and on edge with everything, but now I was being accepted by people and made a few good friends. I didn’t know I was on the spectrum until my 30s but if I had known the info I do now in my 40s, I think my life would of been a tad more successful. But I am just sharing my experiences, I know it’s not for everyone and I know I was extremely lucky with my experiments. Looking forward to more scientific studies and I hope it helps the future generations. Being lost, confused and overstimulated while being talked down to and made feel worthless by everyone is not something I wish on anyone. Be safe!