A fine vintage

Hey America how are you doing? America:

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I hope that someday, you can forgive me

gonna lose their fucking mind when they hear about pork belly sliders

I read this scifi book where a dinosaur-like creature clutched a human to its chest because it was lonely after being separated from its young. Over time the pressure from the embrace slowly crushed and twisted his bones making them heal into grotesque shapes while he was still alive. I think titty bear might crush you into a heap of mangled living flesh thanks to the safety protocols and its need to hug. All while whispering how much it loves you

man fuck those things. I’ve never even seen someone shoot a nerf gun within a mile of my house and I still find rotten blue darts everywhere

licky flicky tit 'n clitty

I’ve done both accidentally, I choose Tabasco.

not what that was about. you missed the point.

don’t you make me laugh at math you monster

I always thought it would be cool if they revealed that denying the rank of master was the last test. Like if you were really a master you would be cool about it, but if you weren’t ready? Well you might throw a fit and be asked to sit the fuck down

same but blacksmithing. you can make more tools too

I like that he squirts out liquid from those extra nipple things and can apparently leap like a gazel but has no neck. I want an army of these dudes to just wreck cars and leapfrog away dripping and screaming while running into more shit because they can’t look around

Just got it. Did not know I wanted to jump pokemon with a baseball bat and take their stuff. 10/10 new experience

I’m going to hike into hell and these cast iron pans are coming with me

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