Please god someone post an ai pic of a borg in flannel

I had to work on this issue. I used to massively overcook. My house was always the place people just showed up. I had two kids, friends, family, so I was constantly ready to feed an army. Now one is out of the house, the other isn’t home most of the time and husband works evenings. We don’t have company like we used to before Covid, so unannounced guests happen rarely.

I have to be conscious at all times about what I’m cooking. First I had to admit that my perception of how much food I needed was just wrong and could not be trusted. I started using recipes - even for things I know how to make- purely to reference serving sizes. And when all else failed, however much I felt I needed to make, I’d just make half of that

It took some practice but now I make reasonable sized meals and have few leftovers.

Money. They like money. Everyone can use money. I have a nephew who is 29 years old - he came into the family at 13 and so wasn’t really part of the whole gift/celebration thing and didn’t visit with our family much. But he was still a kid and I wanted him to feel like someone was thinking about him on holidays. Now he’s got a wife and a baby and he’s a full ass adult and I don’t care. I still give him $50 on his birthday and Xmas. Because I still love him. Maybe he uses it to gas up his car. Maybe he uses it for diapers. Maybe he buys himself something with it - doesn’t matter. My nieces and nephews always get a present from me no matter their age, but after 13, everyone likes money.

Have you ever heard the phrase “salt the earth”? That’s the fastest way to kill everything in the soil and make sure nothing grows for a very very long time.

Men show emotions all the time. The problem is that the only “acceptable” emotion is anger or resentment. People of any gender validate other peoples feelings based on their own experiences. Because women’s emotions are invalidated as weak or useless, women tend to be more sympathetic to others who experience that same invalidation.

I am Canadian. This is news to me that they give you sedation or numbing. Definitely not my experience.

I used to like joe Rogan as a comedian. His entire set was basically the first thing my brain thinks of - an easy crack joke with some wit. But one cannot live one’s life according to the fastest, easiest joke you can conceive of. Deeper thought reveals most of these impulse thoughts as stupid, over simplified and with surface interpretation only. But he seems to just run with it, and has made that his public and political personality. My smart ass should not be making any meaningful decisions.

I had really bad carpal tunnel in both wrists. The first stop was my GP who gave me a referral to a neurologist. They check your sensory response in your fingers and there is a rating system for how well sensation is received by your brain. Once they establish sensation is below a certain threshold they’ll refer you to the appropriate professional. For some, this means physio, stretching exercises, wrist braces, etc. if it’s bad enough, you’ll be referred to an orthopaedic surgeon. My recovery was relatively easy after my surgery. I couldn’t do anything complicated with my hands for a few weeks but I was back at work the next day since I just use a computer - I just finger pecked for a few days. Pro tip- get a bidet fixture for your toilet that activates with a button turn or press instead of a trigger handle. I did both hands at once and just got it over with. No regrets.

They’re lawyered to hell. And they’re aggressive. For fuck sakes they even raided an fbi office and stole all the evidence and no one did a damned thing about it. They have enough money to be able to operate above the law, and certainly above any separation of church and state. Our laws operate on a level that allows them to litigate themselves out of messes, regardless of guilt or innocence, because they have the money to afford people to exploit loopholes, not because they aren’t guilty.

Bias against fat people certainly crosses genders. But we also get to be women which has a completely separate and even worse bias. We are, no matter if we are far or thin, told we are imagining health issues and being dramatic. Gender specific care receives little to no funding, research or even interest. Even the majority of the drugs we take are not actually tested in women at all. We routinely get denied pain medication even for medical procedures like iud insertion. And if you’re a black woman? Forget about it. There are literally doctors who still believe that black women don’t feel pain like other people do and therefor don’t need medication. This isn’t even a joke.

article from 2022

Oh she begged for them to tie her tubes after her one and only massively traumatic birth experience that ended in a c-section. Her uterine issues have been hell, and they repeatedly refused to even discuss a hysterectomy because “she might change her mind”. Fuck that, she has ptsd from that birth and he’s 19 damned years old now. She’s not having more kids.

I guess it’s better to have four month long periods and clots the size of your foot.

Totally normal.

These are the words I was looking for, thank you. How can she exercise when she can’t even walk down the driveway because she can’t breathe (because the cancer is in her fucking lungs, not because shes fat). And she did even manage to lose about 80lbs at one point but there was no change in health or symptoms and they still didn’t take her seriously.

And how do I put this? She’s not “I’m so fat I can’t walk” fat. She was wearing 2x not 20x.

This this glib comment proves exactly why no one ever gave a shit about anything except that she was fat.

No one is saying that being fat doesn’t hurt your health. Of course it does. But it’s not the ONLY thing that can be wrong.

Prick

Oh I’m not putting this on the ER. he’s the only one that took her seriously when she showed up there and saw her iron levels and history and freaked out. If she hadn’t gone there (because she blacked out and crashed her car at a gas station) she would still be getting diet plans.

They checked her heart at that time.

But PS, she’d been at the ER getting iron transfusions before this and they never checked her heart.

Unfortunately yes. When we met he owned his own business and it was doing well. But he’s not a very motivated worker so over the next couple years he pulled back on his work more and more until it was costing more money to run than he was making. We had an economic downturn around the same time and I was making very good money, although working a lot of hours. When our daughter was born, we decided it was time to close up shop and he would be the stay at home parent so I could focus on earning. That was the worst 4 years of my life where I worked 80-100 hours a week and he barely did anything at all. I even had our daughter in daycare three days a week because it was too much for him and she needed socialization. He just stayed home and played games all day. No play dates, no park, nothing. Certainly very little cooking or cleaning and I was still responsible for most emotional labour tasks. I told him finally he had to go back to work or we’d be separating. He did, but since I was earning enough, that was “his” money. One of the massive points of contention was that the felt like he had to ask me for money and I agree that’s a shitty feeling. So he kept the money he made, and I still worked and paid for everything and did all the house stuff. It’s been a lot of years since then, a couple moves, I had what I’m pretty sure is a nervous breakdown after getting fired from my very well paying job (they thought they could find someone to do what I did for 1/3 the cost). Now I have ptsd from all the abuse and insane hours I experienced at that job, so I can’t really work in that field anymore and our income is significantly reduced. I picked up another full time job which earns less but that I can handle emotionally. So he contributes but it’s like 85:15 maybe ? And only because he sees me throwing up and sleeping when I’m not working. The kids are older so I have a reprieve there mostly. I’d put my actual work hours between my job and side hustle at about 55 hours a week right now. The rest is chores and mental health exercises or stress sleeping.

I’m still doing a lot of work to get back to a good place psychologically and emotionally.

As you can see- there hasn’t been a lot of time or energy to be able to set healthy boundaries and with his natural inclination to squirm like a worm on a hook, I usually just end up doing most things myself.

Dove deodorant makes me feel like I sweat more. It also actually somehow makes me smell worse than if I were wearing none at all. Maybe it’s a body chemistry thing.

My best friend might be dying because she’s a fat woman. For over 15 years I’ve watched doctors tell her that her problem is that she needs to lose weight, prescribe weight loss plans, send her to eating clinics, suggest surgery as a solution to her horrific periods that last for months, massive fibroids (I’m talking 12 x 6 inch clots here ladies), fainting, breathing trouble and chest pains, constant body and joint pain, anemia. The last five years she’s barely even been able to leave the house and blacks out walking to the bathroom and it still wasn’t an issue, and all her fault for being fat.

Turns out that iron deficiency was damaging her heart. Those clots were a symptom of another problem. The pain, the breathing issues, all of it would have existed whether she was fat or thin because she has fucking cancer that has likely metastasized to her lungs. No one checked, no one considered any other options until one er doctor was horrified to see her history of iron transfusions and hadn’t checked her heart health , which led to further testing of the non-fat-lady variety.

It’s bad guys. It’s a bad cancer, rare, and has had decades to grow, because she’s a dramatic, emotional, paranoid female who’s fat.

I guarantee any fat man in the world can walk into an ER with chest pains, and they’d check his heart, not put him on a diet.

It’s a mixed bag. 50% of the time he completely invalidates my feelings, but the other half is actually very understanding and progressive. He has been quick to apologize and make amends when he genuinely understands if the behaviour is off-side but that understanding seems to be at war with his deep desire to protect his ego at all costs, so he battles hard to defend himself even when he’s blatantly wrong. I am the opposite and will consider all sides and always more likely to accept culpability and apologize and make changes so it doesn’t happen again.

Things getting turned around on me ? Constantly. Like I have to actually keep a notebook all day long about everything I do and say, just so that he can’t twist it around on me later if a situation like this comes up. He’s very good at misdirection - I don’t even think he does it consciously, he just has a natural talent for twisting things and disagreeing and picking apart small minutia until I’ve totally lost track of what we are discussing. His dad is like that too - not a smart man, but don’t ever ever fucking play chess or poker with him because he’s a survivor and he will fuck your shit up.

He becomes extremely manipulative and gas-lightey without even realizing he is doing it. Or maybe he does. I’ve tried discussing that with him too, but this is one of the topics he has firmly decided he does not do (except he does) and so he has nothing to change or apologize for

Which is why I’m here for productive ways to discuss this one isolated topic with him. If I can’t stay on point and get through the discussion quickly and efficiently, it will get twisted into a horrible 5 hour nightmare of guilt and confusion.

I’m really quite upset by some posters saying that I’m practically abusing my husband and setting him up to fail. I’m just exhausted and need him to step up, I’m not abusing him.

This isn’t a case of preference. This is really one thing in a long line of things. Unfortunately our relationship is a very uneven one where I am responsible for most of the running of the house, as well as the income, and all other tasks. What I’m asking is for some minor changes that make my workload easier to bear.

Having them put away in the morning isn’t an option either. He chooses to sleep until 10-11 daily, then games until he goes to work around 4. He gets home around 8 and then games until 2-3am.

So as you can see, that leaves very little time for him to chip in with chores.

I actually resist nagging. I hate it myself - his mother is a turbo-nag so he actually has a hard time understanding something is important unless he’s being nagged to death. It’s unhealthy and I avoid participating in that type of negative motivation.

Unfortunately it also means that since I don’t force him, he just doesn’t do it, which then falls back on me. And generally with a side of manipulation about how I’m the bad guy to encourage me to not engage next time either.

I have an executive function disorder. I manage. I do not abuse him and I resent the accusation. You’re clearly a child or projecting your own shit onto my marriage but you’re way off base.