I love the “mind RAM” phrase, lol.

I was thinking of time and bandwidth as nearly synonymous, with mildly different connotations, but I think your definition of bandwidth is perfect and helps me realize what I subconsciously thought about it but hadn’t defined.

My industry/product are different enough from what you described to not have the same examples, but I realized when I talk about bandwidth (or more often, “capacity”), it’s most often when asking my direct reports if they’re able to take on new work. I realize that like you said, that means if they can work it to completion in whatever timeframe is allotted given their other priorities, and so stakeholders—myself included—see the progress. Given we’re on the Product side, the timescale could be anywhere from hours to a year depending on the topic/project. And typically I want to know because if they don’t think they have the capacity, then we can discuss priorities and what should drop, I can take the work on myself, or I can go back to my own stakeholders and set realistic expectations.

Thanks for taking the time to help me think about this!

I’m curious how they differ in your opinion. Can you elaborate?

For context, I’m a Product Manager and it wouldn’t occur to me that either takes more bandwidth. However, I do think “bandwidth” carries a connotation of priority. “I don’t have the time to work on that P1” would be a rather shocking statement to hear, since a P1 should, by definition, be the top priority. “I don’t have the bandwidth to work on that P1” says to me that there’s something equally or more important taking that person’s focus.

We actually do hire lots of remote positions in general! Only the new software engineer program require being there. What kind of work do you do?

Yep! One of my devs was out at a college recruiting day just this week. I do believe living in the Kansas City area is a requirement though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Great book recommendation! (My friend’s dad wrote it, but I still recommend it without bias.)

What I love about it is that it’s not something you have to sit down and read cover-to-cover. You pick a topic you want to learn more on and read 2-3 pages that give you guidance on what it looks like to be skilled at that thing, what the challenges are, and some activities to improve. Short and sweet. It’s a great length for my ADHD ass that can rarely finish a book that isn’t audio.

You just gave me insight into why my company isn’t bleeding GenZ software engineers.

We have a 1-year program for people fresh from CS degrees or coding boot camps. They have an assigned cohort to build relationships and go through the program together. In it, they have mentors and meet with people across the company to learn more about the business. And while doing this they are fully integrated members of teams. I’m in Product and I know my team takes them seriously and listens to their input.

We also have a year-long program for anyone new in a manager role (either new to the company or promoted), we have a career coaching program people can sign up for, and it’s easy to get an assigned mentor (if you show any competence and interest).

And at least my networks don’t have any of the shit heads spouting politics. Politics rarely come up (except in a small vetted group of like-minded people).

I am approaching 9 years here, and when I took the job I fully expected to leave at 2. Instead, I’ve had five different roles or titles, I didn’t have to ask for 2 of the 3 promotions I’ve gotten, and my pay is almost 2.5x of my first job. I’m not loyal to the company, but I have a hell of a lot of loyalty to the people that make it up, and they’ve earned every bit of that.

Personal experience, but I can only raise my left eyebrow on demand. Same with my upper lip. I cannot independently move those parts of the right side of my face no matter how I’ve tried. This has been true from childhood and I had no injuries I’m aware of that could have caused it.

So from my experience, I’d buy that there is a physical, possibly genetic component to whether it’s possible or not.

First thing that came to mind was Blaine from Glee. I looked through some pictures and some of the things that stood out that make his style seem cute include:

• More use of color than normal (including unusual colored pants)
• Bow ties
• Suspenders
• Sweaters
• Sweater vests

Maybe not everyone’s idea of cute male aesthetic, but it works for me.

My dentist has started specifically asking people if they drink sparkling water, because people assume it’s equivalent to water but according to my hygienist, it can be about as damaging as soda.

I had a weird dynamic recently that hit on almost all of these in conflicting ways.

I’m a manager at work and one of my direct reports was visiting my city on vacation. She invited me to breakfast with her and her husband. So: she invited, I’m local, she’s ~25 years older, but I’m the manager. Plus she had two guests, and it was just me.

I was ready to pay but when the check came her husband jumped on it so fast I didn’t even have a chance to push back. But then I gave her a $450 standing desk for free, so I guess she still got the good end of the deal!

I could have almost written this exactly. I moved the reddit icon on my phone the day protests started, so while I went to open it a few times, I had physical barrier that made me stop and think about my action. I’ve checked it maybe 3 times to see some of the self-implosion on the site, but otherwise was shocked at how little I missed it.

I met many irl friends from reddit meetups. It’s been a huge part of my social experience for well over 10 years. It seems silly, but I felt pretty heartbroken when I realized I couldn’t in good conscience continue to use it.

Lemmy has been great and simpler to adapt to than I expected. The hardest thing was choosing what server to sign up on, and now I’m still testing out different app options.

As I thought on this more, I realized I taught myself a new habit to use the parking brake in my car after I’d been driving for a year, and then I trained myself to turn on a driving setting in my car every time I drive.

What it made me realize is that I can form habits when they are 1) simple actions, 2) there’s specific context (being in my car), and 3) there’s a physical reminder.

For the drive setting, I put a post-it note on the dial I have to turn. Seeing that every day for a few weeks reminded me to use it, and when it’s used my dashboard changes color (blue to red). After a few weeks using the post-it, I got used to the red dash, and eventually turning the dial has become a pretty automatic thing. And if I forget it, I quickly notice the blue dash and remember to make the change.

I mentioned taking my meds is tough, but as long as I have it by my bed I actually take it ~5 days a week without the reminder on my phone going off. Because it’s a simple task and it’s next to my bed and done when I wake up, and my phone provides a physical backup when I forget.

On the other hand, I have been giving my cat 2x daily meds for a year longer than I’ve taken daily meds myself. I remember it’s a task I need to do, but I am 100% dependent on a phone alarm to actually do it (and I must snooze the alarm until I do it, because if I don’t act immediately there’s a >50% chance I’ll forget again). I think the biggest difference is that context is not the same. I might be anywhere in my house doing anything at that time. For the morning dose 5 days a week I’m working and we’re in my office, but my meetings are different every day so the context isn’t the same.

Oh, I’ve also made a habit of scooping my cat’s litter! I have flushable litter (game changer!!) and I can see the litter box while using the rest room, so I just do it right away before flushing and washing my hands. Simple task (even though I sometimes I skip it when I’m stressed or tired, but it’s a choice to skip it), triggered by physical context, and it’s in my line of sight multiple times a day.

I’m totally “thinking out loud” in what I’m writing here, so I apologize that it’s long and rambly. I wonder how I might use those 3 things to build other habits… oh! When I worked in my office, my gym was next door and I worked out with a coworker. I also kept my gym bag in my office in the same place I put my purse. Thankfully I don’t sweat much so I didn’t have to change my workout clothes daily (which was a habit I couldn’t get into), but seeing the bag and my coworker going to the gym did get me to do it 3x a week for over a year.

Mid-30s here in a corporate setting so not a direct parallel, but in my early 30s I hired someone who is late 50s and I was really scared about that. She was also coming from a manager position over ~150 people, entering an individual contributor role, and I only had 4 months of management experience at this company, and about a year over 7 years ago at another. I was really scared it would be a problem.

A year later, I can confidently say age has not mattered at all and she regularly talks about how good a leader I am.

Two things to remember: You got this promotion for a reason, and everyone (who isn’t self-employed) will end up with a manager younger than them at some point in their career. As long as you do the job well, people will respect you. And those who don’t are likely problem employees for other reasons.

If you are already eating meals consistently and don’t let yourself get to the point of physical impairments from not eating, then I can see how my methods wouldn’t work for you.

My suggestion of having easy meals was just to facilitate eating meals consistently, no matter how you feel. I found when I ate a meal at the same time every day no matter what, after a year or so I actually developed the feeling of needing to eat at that time of day. But if you’re already eating at the same times every day and you still don’t feel a need to, then I don’t think my experiences can help you :(

Sorry for the long message ahead :)

This is a TL;DR list I wrote to help when my cousin was struggling to eat and having stomach aches whenever he did eat:

1. By medical definition, “anorexia” just means low/no appetite. Anorexia nervosa is the intentional eating disorder.
2. Anorexia can cause stomach pains, especially following a meal. Fix this by eating frequent small meals or snacks.
3. Cut your diet down to bland food and introduce different things in slowly or document your food intake to figure out if there are any allergies/intolerances causing you to not feel well.
4. Make food a routine using external motivation to eat, such as alarms, calendar invites, or planning meals with coworkers/friends.
5. Suggested rule of threes: 3 meals, 3 snacks, at least 3 hours apart. Set a timer!
6. Find easy meals you can always eat. Whether it’s takeout or just something super easy to make, have a staple you can always fall back on when you don’t want to think about food. A rice cooker with a steamer basket was a game changer for me, and lately it’s been Trader Joe’s frozen foods.

Learning #1 was what made me realize my relationship with food was unhealthy and needed to change. #2-3 might not apply to your situation but I’m leaving them in case anyone else needs it.

#4 and 6 really are the answer to your question. When I got my first job out of college, I ate lunch daily with coworkers even if I had no desire to eat, which greatly helped the last thing I’ll share: I redefined what I thought of as hunger.

I realized even when I didn’t consciously feel the need to eat, my body had symptoms. I paid attention to things like lightheadedness, a tightness in my stomach, and shakiness, and started considering those to be “feeling hungry.” After forcing myself to eat more consistently and listening to my body, I actually started to feel hungry on a regular (daily-ish) basis.

Oh, and for a year or two I lifted weights 3x/week and that made me hungrier than I’d ever been in my life. The first three months I always felt hungry. But that’s a bigger commitment than the other suggestions :)

I hope this might help you!

Glad it’s not just me, but also I’m sorry. It’s so frustrating for me, especially because they’re usually good behaviors that I know are helpful for me.

LOL, relatable. I also had to literally train myself over years to feel hungry, and all that training goes away when I’m really stressed. Living with a partner is the best thing for my eating habits. He needs to eat, so I eat… at least once a day.

Oh! I remembered one more but can’t edit my comment: I use my parking brake every time I park my car and take it off when I start driving. I did manage to build that one into a habit a couple years after I started driving.

So I guess it is possible for me to create habits, but they have to be small, specific, and have specific contexts they trigger in (like the car).

Oh that one’s still usually a thought for me, lol.

I have two things that are habitual upon arriving at home: 1) I don’t open my house door until I’ve put my key back in my purse from unlocking it. Rain, cold, whatever? I don’t tempt fate. And 2) upon walking into my house my purse goes down on a table by the door. That one I sometimes break when I have things in my hands, but then I think about it obsessively until it gets done. I do those so I don’t lose my stuff everywhere and sometimes I don’t think about them, but if I don’t went on total autopilot I know I’d misplace them sometimes.

I’ve used this clip from Malcolm in the Middle for the same purpose!