Yeah, I was thinking the same. Seems like he just smashed through the wall.

Yeah, this makes me feel like I don’t really want to go there. It’s frustrating, because it seems like when I follow the routine of a ‘normal’ person. I tend to get very tired and anxious over time. But If I want to find some routine more suited to myself, it will be practically impossible to survive.

That definitely helps. I find it difficult to get myself to exercise sometimes, but walking is something I can enjoy.

Yeah, I think I’m in the digging out stage now. It seems to be very difficult for me to take care of myself while I have to work for income.

Thanks for the suggestions! I will look into the book, and the website is great (I made something like this myself in my linked notes)

Therapy seems to be a bit harder for me. I didn’t have anyone with specific experience, and found that the typical talk therapy does not really benefit me (I already spent years researching this myself, so it does not really help to have somebody else repeat it to me). I’ll try to find somebody, but seems like it’s quite difficult.

I think the actual rule is: ‘no sexual misconduct’ aka rape, harrasment, etc.

Many of the rules are simplified for the course of 10 days. (easy to have no sexual misconduct if you have no sexual activities at all)

Same with the rule ‘No talking’. The actual rule is ‘Don’t speak harsh words, lies, or deception’. Which is again much easier if you simply don’t speak at all.

Yeah, I feel you. How would you even counter this kind of feeling. Like everytime you are happy, you wouldn’t even allow yourself to really enjoy it. Because you feel like you don’t deserve it.

What’s your experience with SSRIs? I never wanted to even try because I feel I would just get used to them after a while and then be stuck paying for medication without really feeling better.

This was pretty much me in university and during the first years of my work. It just feels like endless postponing of actually doing the things you want. But it never comes.

I’m starting to wonder if I just have much less capacity (in terms of energy) than other people.

Yeah, that describes it pretty well. And probably also Avolition

You are stronger than me. My routine tends to fall apart completely in these moments. I often even stop brushing my teeth and then have to work on building up that habit again afterwards.

Hope you will feel better soon. It sucks if it lasts for weeks. And it can be so difficult to get out of it.

This does help me a lot actually. I sometimes write a bit too much though. One of the reasons I started working on getting better is because of journalling.

Yeah, I’ve read up about it a bit and it describes the situation quite well. Or something like an autistic shutdown. I don’t find good ways of dealing with it though. Apart from just waiting it out and resting enough (But how am I supposed to earn money when I have to rest/recover all the time?)

I wish I had an easy way to bribe myself. I’m not really that motivated by food, so during these kind of days, I often barely eat anything. Even some meal I enjoy greatly, will just feel like a chore to eat.

At some point, I even anticipated wasting too much time browsing or playing games. So I uninstalled steam and blocked websites like reddit and youtube.

I ended up just reading wikipedia articles for 4 hours straight. I always seem to find something to distract myself…

For me it seems to be more difficult to get out of this, Even if I can get myself to do some chores, or go outside for 5 minutes. But it’s definitely already better now than in the past.

Yeah, I also tend to postpone things that I love during these moments, possibly because I feel like I would not enjoy them fully.

‘Why don’t you try being more happy?’ <- actual advice given by family members. 🤦

Yeah it’s not easy to figure out what exactly is wrong sometimes. I think my body either gives me no signals or mixes things up.

I think this is partly because during my childhood, I often felt uncomfortable (eating certain food, paying attention for hours in class, trying to make friends, etc…) but didn’t have the option to actually recover or rest. When you are at school, you can’t really retreat into your own chamber and take a nap or avoid bothersome noises, lights or social situations.

I learned that playing videogames or browsing was a very effective way for me to feel better (because it just drowned out all the senses and allowed full focus). But in the end, I feel like I’ve trained myself to ignore what my body says, and in the long run this just leads to more problems.

More recently, I have learned to listen a bit more to my own needs (sometimes as simple as feeling that I need to go to the toilet, and actually doing it). But it’s still something that is not natural for me at the moment.

You’re spot on. I don’t even notice it myself. But during these kind of days, I always just sit at home and do nothing. I like walking actually, but for some reason my motivation for that drops as well and then I don’t feel like going outside either. But it always helps, even if I don’t feel like it.

I’d love to have a dog or cat at home, but I don’t think I have the financial means at the moment. And I don’t want to get one if I don’t think I’ll be able to take care of it properly.

Sometimes it’s pretty clear, but other times it feels like I had a great week and then suddenly I don’t feel like doing anything anymore.

Never heard of ‘girlrot’ before, learned something new :) It’s definitely a good description of what i’ll end up doing most of these times.