People forget all the time that life is a collective experience. We don’t just do this ourselves - as many times as I’ve lost my shit there are plenty of others out there that have done the same.

I believe if we lift each other up every opportunity we get we will all be better for it. Within reason, don’t elect sociopaths, but as humans we all evolved by helping each other. I love people. COVID fucked that up for me for a long time but I still love people. It’s just… say hi once in a while that weirdo might be a nice person you can talk to.

I remember a lot from school where my peers did that as well - something they learned from somewhere obviously, we were all children.

My son is given that freedom - he gets to experience the same life my daughter does, be you and don’t apologize. His room is painted purple because that’s the color he wanted, he’s got longer hair than his mom, he gets to feel things and express them in a safe space with understanding. But I can’t control what others do, as much as I accept him for who he is does not mean others will. So I try to teach him that if he is happy with himself, that’s all that matters. Be true to you kind of deal. Because I definitely didn’t get that.

Fear is unbelievably important in this conversation.

Fear is linked to anger for me in a lot of ways because that’s just how I survived for a while. Afraid? Ok fight or flight time let’s go.

Disassociating those two is a massive part of my therapy lol.

My wife says my brain is broken - because I’ve always treated everyone exactly the same. I wouldn’t say something to a guy I couldn’t say to a gal, it’s just not who I am. With that, I believe and understand that we all have the same emotions and should be free (within reason, don’t stab people) to express those feelings. Hopefully in a constructive way but sometimes you just gotta let shit out or vent.

I don’t believe it’s fair to treat someone different because “well x gender shouldn’t act like that.” Shut up you don’t know, none of us know for sure this jello we have in our skulls or how it’s going to interpret the information we receive or how that might make us feel until it happens. And even then, depending on the situation, it could be something we’ve experienced before and we feel a different way about it this one time.

I have a daughter, I don’t want people telling her how to feel or “you have to be pretty so you can get a boyfriend”. Be yourself, have fun, come work on cars with me and go fishing, go with your mom when she gets her nails done, be you. And anyone who isn’t ok with you being you can come talk to me. Gendering the way we feel or how we should react is just stupid. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

I’m very stubborn so I don’t quit things I start. I’ll keep trying - thank you for sharing your story with me and for your support. It means a ton.

I think for me it’s just I’ve done it so long, I’m semi successful, so my brain is like “why change? Look at what you’ve done if you change now, what if it all goes away?” And rationally I know that won’t happened but that’s that mid-west upbringing biting me in the ass.

I’m fortunate to have a lot of very supportive male friends and we all tell each other this as often as we can: you only fail if you stop trying. So long as you get up and attempt the work, you’re not failing, you’re learning. I’m hopeful I can keep that mindset and keep trying, and hope you can as well.

It’s not that I don’t feel emotions necessarily I just don’t know what to do with them. I was raised in a rural setting and so “be a man don’t cry” etc was much of my up bringing. I feel emotions I just don’t know where to put them other than shoving them down to be cut out with the cancer later or to blow up at the most inconvenient time possible.

It sucks. And I’m in therapy for this lol it’s supposed to be better! but a lot of it does come from this mindset that we don’t have emotions or are incapable of sharing them in a meaningful way. I’ve explained it a thousand times to people and only other guys have gotten it most of the time.

No joke. I still have mine from back in the day and I took notes on this shit and still have no idea what it’s about.

Have you played Judgement? It was supposed to be the successor to Yakuza.

I really liked the Yakuza games. They’ve improved a lot over the years, the story is engaging, and there’s tons of fun side stuff to do. Although the audio is all in Japanese, so you have to read subtitles.

I just watched it and I kind of disagree. I haven’t seen this version of a pandemic episode yet - anger being the virus.

All of us were angry if doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do.

I thought it was a good episode.

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Thanks mate. I’m working on it and the first step is realizing you have a problem so I’ve got that behind me.

Another note - how long was your lockdown? I think I finally went back to “normal” the middle of 2022 but I stopped going everywhere in a mask (unless I have a cough or sneeze or something) the start of this year.

I have and am. Right now it’s not terrible. At peak I was averaging a 750 ml bottle of vodka every four days. I think my cap with beer right now is like 5 a night. A hand over fist improvement.

I’ve tried a lot of different drugs for different things - anxiety, depression, etc and I’ve found I’m much happier when I just work hard. I’ve taken to exercising regularly and having a physical project twice a week and it takes my mind off it, makes me tired, and I look forward to going to bed.

Obviously we are all massively different as people and we all deal with all our own things but I am taking steps to rein it in. I just still drink more than I want to is all. More a complaint than anything terribly scary.

Thanks for your advice! Keep being kind. We need more kind people.

Nah the not sleeping thing is just a norm for me. Always has been since I was a kid.

I don’t think either. I enjoy doing it and it doesn’t cause anything negative in my life (currently), although I know the potential later down the road to my health.

Thanks for your kindness - we need more in the world.

For sure and good looking out!

The good: you can rely on me. If I say I’m going to do something or be somewhere, I always see it through.

The bad: I don’t sleep. Not healthy and bad for your brain.

The ugly: the amount of beer I go through in a week has increased exponentially since 2020 and I kinda don’t want to lower it back down.

Before the pandemic and everything I was a social drinker, would go to a bar once a week, hang out with pals and have a few, Uber home and all good. Once I lost being able to go out I lost most of my buddies too. I still have my friends, the close ones, and we all relied on each other to make it through the isolation but none of them live here any longer so being social and going out isn’t something I get to do anymore sadly. That and the crushing knowledge of all the people who died kinda has me not making great choices.

Sorry probably over shared there at the end.