have you ever tried to paint them, or otherwise recreate them? can be fun

in addition to a play on selective/strategic nudity, i find flipping the script/fucking the patriarchic hierarchy to be both arousing and fulfilling as well.

well, according to legend Siddhartha Gautama was raised as a prince and he still figured out that privilege and wealth causes suffering. alas.

spot on. doesn’t help that he’s a household name with lots of fanboys. actual notoriety of a malignant narcissist partner can easily amplify the self doubt that gets spurred on by gaslighting and other manipulative methods. not to mention she has children with him so she can’t just cut him off completely. can’t say i feel for her, but i sure would want to be in her place.

i know the enchilada sauce is one of the cheapest items in this picture but i recently made some from scratch and can confirm that canned enchilada sauce is absolutely flavorless. alternatively, it is super simple, quick and inexpensive to make from scratch. broth, tomato paste and toasted spices (chili p., ground cumin, garlic p., onion p., pinch of oregano/cayanne/salt/pepper and optional dash of apple cider vinegar) made in a roux and simmered for 10m. that’s it! the difference is night and day. go forth in flavor.

it’s so… glossy. genuinely beautiful shading and highlights. but can you imagine spending time zoomed in on that crotch to get the knuckle sheen just right?

thank you. i really should have picked that up by the “send flowers” upsell. can you imagine? in a unlikely set of circumstances, the additional option to have said flowers delivered could trigger a rather unfortunate infinite loop.

i think it’s tricky to get a blanket reading because autism can look so dramatically different from one person to the next. i was diagnosed last year (AuDHD) and have since been learning how varied autism can be across different demographics and comorbidities. when i’m stressed, overworked, and/or overloaded, i tend to withdraw to trigger my hyperfocus. a recent new hire in my department who is pretty clearly also autistic has been driving me nuts because when he is stressed, overworked and overloaded, he tends to try to control everything around him with a hyperfocus on what everyone else is doing, instead of focusing on his own work. to the NT’s in the group, i doubt they would think to put him and myself in the same category.

I might reframe this pursuit (finding stuff to do merely because you find pleasure in the activity) as self care-in a very practical sense. I’ve tried before, especially during stretches of time without medication, to pick a specific time within a given week, say Tuesdays and Thursdays after dinner, to meaningfully allocate my focus towards an unspecified non-productive activity. Sketching, jigsaw puzzles, taking a walk, reading a book, etc. By keeping it unspecified I can easily swap out one activity for another when the time comes and by viewing it as block of recurring scheduled time that is tied to my existing schedule, it’s much easier to remember to incorporate it into my day. As contrast, if I planned “to take a walk next Thursday after dinner”, chances are I’ll end up forgetting beforehand or get caught up in something else.

I suppose if I squint I could say adhering to this schedule change could be considered exercising discipline, but to me it feels like an ambiguous and pressured oversimplification.

i’m so sorry you live under that pressure of others expectations. having the capacity to take a disciplined approach and self moderate your behaviors is an important skillset, no doubt. but that is not the same thing as feeling and nurturing intrinsic motivation.

from what i understand, dopamine plays a massive factor in contributing to motivation in most people.

made a todo list? here’s some dopamine. finish a task? have another drop of dopamine.

meanwhile, the dispensing system in an ADHD brain is faulty and thus does not deliver the same sense of accomplishment that would generally fuel an NT to continue their productivity.

warm take: while i agree finding strategies for “manual mode” are import, so is, imo, learning how to sit comfortably in that unproductive space. counter productive as it may seem, sometimes it’s the weight of that pressure to feel motivated that’s the stressor, not the lack of motivation in and of itself.

this has been so helpful for me. i am not a fan of grocery shopping with the lights and the crowds. but if i remember to charge my bluetooth earbuds then i can listen to an interesting podcast and just get in a zone. i take them out while checking out and interacting with the cashier of course, but the other shoppers get just enough of my attention to avoid a collision.

also h*ckin sunglasses. it’s amazing how much longer i can stay out when im not being bombarded with light sources coming at me from all angles.

the one thing i wish i had more control over was my interests and fixations. oh how i wish it was fluid enough to direct at-will. alas. i am fortunate in that my primary focus developed into a profitable avenue which makes talking about it part of my job. but growing up i had to learn to be selective and strategic when it comes to discussing some of my other fascinations. along with that, i aim for a 50/50 conversation dynamic while socializing, using active listening and asking any direct and peripheral questions on the subject. while my methods, which i had developed long before i finally received my diagnosis, make for an effective “neurotypical interaction“, they can be quite draining to maintain and do not actually help me forge genuine connections. masking, or knowing how to behave to blend in/pass as neurotypical, is a tool i’m glad i have - but it is not without its disadvantages and long term impacts on my own health and wellbeing.

for some contrast, my younger brother (23) who is also ASD, has been been going continuously hard in the paint for pokémon since his preteens. it makes up 90% of the topics he chooses to discuss, and he has an incredible talent for turning any other topic back into something about pokémon. lol. most of the time the people in his life will humor him, at least for as long as they can. but it’s clear he never picked up on the 50/50 dynamic obligation that binds me in social interactions, nor does he often try to engage anyone on their own level and ask questions about topics he’s not necessarily interested in. in order for him to actually connect, the other person either has to commit to getting all the way on his level or better, have a genuine interest in pokémon themselves.

so pulling from both examples, i would recommend a multip-prong approach. as others have rightfully suggested, try to help your son improve his own interest in learning new things from others by engaging his classmates on topics they enjoy talking about as that can be beneficial for his confidence and comfort around others. but keep in mind that a successful “self-monitored” interaction as observed from the outside may not necessarily equate to a connection between your son and these peers. so at the same time, i would recommend you look for social outlets for your son that would give him the opportunity to talk about his passion with someone else who wants to listen and share with him over it. be it a club or organization or online forum or a single friend, and support his engagement in that and his relationships at school with equal enthusiasm.

hope that helps. cheers!

yeah, i get it. i thought to recommend you follow that read up with Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron. essentially a brief collection of timeless, distilled wisdoms. a listen through the audiobook usually helps me reground.