As I think I already mentioned, Ive already been mugged and had to fight people off and sustain fairly serious injuries… many times now.

When I have been in threatening environments, like walking through dangerous neighborhoods, I have found that presenting as if I am quite angry, a bit unhinged, or on stimulating drugs, seems to keep people from messing with me. If I go for a calmer but still problematic presentation, then what I do is look like I’m calmly analyzing people as if I want to take advantage of them. If someone walks in my direction, then I start to walk in there’s. If we interact, I have to completely ignore their statements and only focus on mine, especially asking them intrusive questions. For example, if they ask me, “How are you?” I would respond with, “How old are you?” “Do you have any friends here?” or “What did you eat today?” This also has worked, but can be more confronting and you have to make sure you don’t mess with the wrong person. However, being quiet, calm, inward, and basically showing that I want nothing to do with people attracts violence. It’s like if I were saying, “Please don’t mess with me,” which tells them I’m a good target.

I have SSDI payments and they are enough to afford food and motel rent each month where I am, so I at least have a sort of temporary home base

Have you seen The Florida Project? It’s about that very scene you describe. I thought is was a fascinating movie. You might find it validating to watch it. However, I can’t remember if there were any extremely troubling parts to the movie, so be aware that there might be.

Regarding homeless shelters, the whole system is jacked. They are pretty dangerous on top of that, especially the ones for single men. I get not wanting to stay there, and you are not the only one that feels that way.

I am sorry you have had to ghost your sister… its hard to cut a family member out of your life, no matter how awful they are… if you are an innately compassionate person.

Thank you! It’s hard seeing her phone calls and ignoring them, but I remind myself that it’s for my best interest and mental safety. She’s just too exhausting and hurtful to speak with. I didn’t control her behaviors to create the relationship we have, so I am not responsible for her emotions related to that. Additionally, I tried my best, and it didn’t work out. So, there’s no reason to continue maintaining a relationship that ends up with me being hurt.

Lets see uh, well the uncle that fucked off would probably actually help me out. Problem is I have no way to contact him after my phone was stolen. He doesnt /do/ social media, and well neither do I.

There are online services that you can use to get his number. Some of them will charge, which means you will need a credit card. They may have a free weekly trial, so you can take advantage of that. I have successfully used beenverified in the past, but beware that cancelling is a pain in the butt. Still, $25 for amonth subscription might be a good investment if the result is more support from your uncle, depending on how he is doing. There may also be other companies that might be a better option. Maybe if you can find someone that a subscription to a service like that, they can help you out by looking for him. I do not have a subscription to any services like that though.

I am doing better.

🥳

I am probably going to survive

I think so to. Based on what you have shared, you seem determined and strong.

it kind of enrages me sometimes that wider society just… just actually hates Autistic people being what is normal to them. We are treated as undesirables, socially ostricized, and constantly criticized by people who paradoxically love exploiting the abilities we have, taking those for granted

I agree!

So yeah I am going to need a therapist once I settle somewhere, haha!

Sounds like it, lol. You have a lot to process regarding your family and the shitty situation you are in. It sounds terrible. I think that it’s understandable and justifiable that you are very angry over it. I don’t mean to be controlling, ordering, or governing, but I have been in really bad situations like yours, so know that I am mostly talking to me from the past when I say the following. Please don’t do anything rash in the moment. Once you get settled down, you will have the opportunity to find an avenue to process all that. Focus on safety and getting stable. The time for addressing grievances will come. Later on, you might even be proud that you were able to endure and overcome what you are going through now.

Glad to hear you have a good head on your shoulders. When in times like yours (I have never been technically homeless), I like to repeat the following mantra I picked up in the military to myself: Keep your chin up and your head down. What it means is that stay confident and proud of yourself, act with decisiveness, but don’t place yourself in dangerous situations when you don’t have to.